I work at a company that has to work on black Friday. No 4-day weekend, just turkey day off, then back to work on Friday. This has always been my reason NOT to shop black Friday. This year I decided to check it out. My daughter and her friends go every year, they love it. I love to people watch, I love shopping, I love Christmas. Seemed like a perfect match! I don't work until 7:30, and the stores open at 5, so why not?
So at 3:30am, I awoke, my daughter already dressed and ready to meet her friends. Why rush? They don't open until 5! I made some breakfast, packed my work bag, and headed out the door at 4:30. AM. (important not to forget that this is 4:30 in the MORNING.) I live 20 minutes from the nearest town with sales, so I hopped in the truck (BIG TRUCK - important to remember this fact for later), and headed out on the highway. It didn't take long for me to realize that I had joined an exodus of cars leaving our little country town and heading in to the sales. The highway was LOADED, all going in one direction, and one direction only. TO THE STORES! I smiled to myself, thinking how fun this was going to be. Why hadn't I done this every year?
My daughter's first stop was Target, to get none other than MY present from my husband (a neat little trick - he pays her to do his shopping on black Friday - she loves it - AND gets paid, he doesn't have to do the shopping - I get awesome presents for Christmas!). I thought I would meet her there, as there were a few movies I wouldn't mind getting. As I approached the parking lot, it appeared I might have a hard time finding a parking place. Not just a parking place but one that I could fit my BIG TRUCK into. The ENTIRE lot was full. It's not 4:50am. AM! The line of people waiting to get into Target was wrapped around two full sides of the building, and there were no parking places! Needless to say, I kept driving. Onto the next store~!
So I headed to Shopko, texted my dd, who, ON CRUTCHES, was still fighting the crowds at Target. She is obviously more of a woman than I! Still happy just to be out and about on this crazy morning, I grabbed a cart, nothing in particular I needed, and started "shopping". I quickly realized that you don't "shop" on black Friday. You protect your life. I'm pretty much an optimist. I figure that if I'm nice to people, they'll be nice back. If I'm polite, they're polite. YEAH. Not so much anymore. I've heard the stories, I don't live under a rock, but I was SHOCKED at how rude people can be! I'm truly thinking that there are a LOT of people out there who really don't know the true meaning of Christmas! It's NEVER ok to be rude to strangers like I saw today! Once I realized this, I decided I wasn't really in the mood. I did pick up a gift for my hubby, which was on sale (70$ off!), so I justified my morning for that. and decided to go to Target to see how my daughter was doing.
Driving into the Target lot, there STILL weren't ANY parking places! It's now 5:30am, and people are leaving, but more are coming! I decide to head to the mall. No one ever goes to our mall, so I figured I would have better luck there. And I did. Younkers had a sale on Columbias, and my dd wanted one - the least I can do for her knowing what hell she is enduring to get my present from my hubby. She calls, she's standing in line (has been since 5:18, and it's now 5:45), says I should try now to come see her. At this point, I am unsure of any logical thinking, I've lost my hope in humanity, and have realized that I have the most amazing job in the world (as it kept me from this madness for the last 17 years!).
So I once again get in my truck (MY BIG TRUCK) and venture out onto the main drag. Wiser this time, I drive around the back of the building and find a spot. It's now 5:55am, and I'm parked at Target. Wow, that only took one hour! Cool. (sarcasm folks). I walk the two blocks to the store, and go to the back for those movies I thought would make a nice gift to find that of course they are gone, no rain checks. The lines in the store literally circle THE ENTIRE store. I find my dd quite close to the front and stop to chat, with her, and several friends I ran into. She is amazing. Even on crutches, she loves the rush of black Friday.... i don't know that i'll ever go back.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Maybe I'm not Ready for this!
Tonight finds me once again alone in the house. As my children get older, this seems to happen time and again, more often with each month. I cherish these little glimpses of solitude. I cherish them.
I was surprised to find myself on the brink of quiet tonight. With my husband off work, it was the farthest thing from my mind. When I got home from work and began dinner, I found that they were going to go scope out the hunting land, with the upcoming weekend being my son's first youth hunt.
Soon after they left, with the chicken and summer veggies on the stove, and the rice in the microwave, the timer for the microwave went off. I opened the microwave only to find it empty. Completely empty. No pan of rice anywhere to be found. I knew I'd filled the pan. I remembered measuring it out. But where was it?
The mystery uncooked rice was on the dresser in the entryway. I had cooked the paper cover in the microwave for an entire five minutes. The rice remained uncooked.
Maybe I'm NOT ready for empty nest!
I was surprised to find myself on the brink of quiet tonight. With my husband off work, it was the farthest thing from my mind. When I got home from work and began dinner, I found that they were going to go scope out the hunting land, with the upcoming weekend being my son's first youth hunt.
Soon after they left, with the chicken and summer veggies on the stove, and the rice in the microwave, the timer for the microwave went off. I opened the microwave only to find it empty. Completely empty. No pan of rice anywhere to be found. I knew I'd filled the pan. I remembered measuring it out. But where was it?
The mystery uncooked rice was on the dresser in the entryway. I had cooked the paper cover in the microwave for an entire five minutes. The rice remained uncooked.
Maybe I'm NOT ready for empty nest!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
a crisp fall sunrise
One of my favorite times of day occurs when I get in the car to head to work. I have a 20 minute highway commute, and it's a time of reflection, a time to start the day. On very special mornings, I am able to see a beautiful sunrise, a sign of God's love for us. And today was one of those days. As I hit the highway heading west, I saw the scarlet sky in my rear view mirror. Just beginning to come over the horizon, I watched as the sunrise colored the trees from top to bottom, like filling in the paint on a water color. As the sunrise hit the tops of the changing trees, it exploded into oranges, and reds, and golds. Just before I turned to head north, I looked up to see the colors reflected in the arms of a windmill. What an amazing picture it was, what a glorious way to start the day.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
in retrospect...
This weekend brought bittersweet feelings - the happy of watching my daughter on homecoming court, enjoying her senior year - and burying a very close aunt who passed away at the amazing age of 83. Four days filled with highs and lows, happy and sad.
My uncle and aunt had an amazing life together, married almost 63 years. One of those ridiculously happy - soulmate kind of marriages. While it was very hard to watch him remember, and then to say goodbye, it was obvious in looking at all the pictures that they had such a happy life together.
My favorite picture (if I can get it scanned, I will post) is of them at a dance. I'm guessing somewhere like the Silver Dome Ballroom. They're sitting at a banquet table, a bottle of 50/50 soda on the table next to them. My uncle has his arms around her shoulders, and they are just SO in love. It's one of those moments caught on film. Ageless.
Many people comment on the relationship I have with my DH, stating that we are very compatible, very happy, and just enjoy being with each other. And I can honestly say that is true. I feel closer to him with every year we are together - more in love. These last few months have been trying. For no particular reason. But we've been, should I say, taking each other for granted? The spark has not been there. And I think that seeing my uncle talk about his life with his wife, and seeing those amazing pictures, was all we needed to bring ourselves back to normal.
A lesson to us all. We will argue, we will disagree. But in the end, if our lives are caught on film, it's the happy times we want to capture. It's those times we need to focus on. and live for.
My uncle and aunt had an amazing life together, married almost 63 years. One of those ridiculously happy - soulmate kind of marriages. While it was very hard to watch him remember, and then to say goodbye, it was obvious in looking at all the pictures that they had such a happy life together.
My favorite picture (if I can get it scanned, I will post) is of them at a dance. I'm guessing somewhere like the Silver Dome Ballroom. They're sitting at a banquet table, a bottle of 50/50 soda on the table next to them. My uncle has his arms around her shoulders, and they are just SO in love. It's one of those moments caught on film. Ageless.
Many people comment on the relationship I have with my DH, stating that we are very compatible, very happy, and just enjoy being with each other. And I can honestly say that is true. I feel closer to him with every year we are together - more in love. These last few months have been trying. For no particular reason. But we've been, should I say, taking each other for granted? The spark has not been there. And I think that seeing my uncle talk about his life with his wife, and seeing those amazing pictures, was all we needed to bring ourselves back to normal.
A lesson to us all. We will argue, we will disagree. But in the end, if our lives are caught on film, it's the happy times we want to capture. It's those times we need to focus on. and live for.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
what does this mean?
I just came from a 2 hour meeting that I was facilitating. In my head, throughout the entire meeting, it was being held from 2:30-4:30. I rushed to get people out on time, so they wouldn't have overtime. I marveled that people in the hall were making dinner, staying so late to work they needed to eat dinner at work. I was very impressed that people were gathering to go for walks after work, not rushing home, but rather taking time out for exercise with coworkers. I knew people had carpools to get to, so I didn't want to keep them late. I was so frustrated with myself - why hadn't I turned down the computer before coming? At this late hour, I could have gone straight home, rather to the other building.
Imagine my surprise, when getting in my car, in seeing the clock read 12:09.
Yep. It was a 10-12 meeting.
In all those "clues" I didn't pick up on my mental error.
Good thing I didn't go straight home....
Think it's time to talk to the doctor about some medication? :-)
Imagine my surprise, when getting in my car, in seeing the clock read 12:09.
Yep. It was a 10-12 meeting.
In all those "clues" I didn't pick up on my mental error.
Good thing I didn't go straight home....
Think it's time to talk to the doctor about some medication? :-)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
why I love him.....
Our trips to Sturgis always seem to rejuvenate our marriage, our relationship, and our love. It's a chance to put the responsibilities of home and family aside for a few days and focus on us, on each other, and on our life together.
This year seemed to bring a multitude of options for me to be reminded of reasons why I love Ken. It started in Chamberlain, day two, when the camper battery went dead. He didn't think twice about running into town and changing it. That may not seem like much, but to someone as non-mechanical as I, it means the world to me that he doesn't even worry about things like that, he just takes care of it.
Soon after the battery was changed, he noticed the gas refrigerator wasn't lighting, just continually clicking. While I thought our week was ruined along with our food, he simply took the back off, checked it out, and fixed it. Again, his ability to think through things like that always amazes me, and makes me wonder what I would do without him.
Having changed the batter and fixed the fridge, we headed on our second leg of our journey. Within an hour, he was pulling off the side of the interstate because we had blown a tire on the camper. Interstate traffic, under construction, and a road-side tire gone. I was in full panic mode. But he, predicting any needs he might have, had packed the big floor jack, and honestly, within fifteen minutes he had the spare on and we were back on our way. If it ever phased him that heavy interstate traffic was speeding by his head, he never let it show. I don't know if I've ever admired him quite as much as I did that day.
We all tend to take so much of our partners for granted. Both sides of the fence. It's trips like this that remind me not to do that. Be thankful for all they do, thankful for having them in your life.
This year seemed to bring a multitude of options for me to be reminded of reasons why I love Ken. It started in Chamberlain, day two, when the camper battery went dead. He didn't think twice about running into town and changing it. That may not seem like much, but to someone as non-mechanical as I, it means the world to me that he doesn't even worry about things like that, he just takes care of it.
Soon after the battery was changed, he noticed the gas refrigerator wasn't lighting, just continually clicking. While I thought our week was ruined along with our food, he simply took the back off, checked it out, and fixed it. Again, his ability to think through things like that always amazes me, and makes me wonder what I would do without him.
Having changed the batter and fixed the fridge, we headed on our second leg of our journey. Within an hour, he was pulling off the side of the interstate because we had blown a tire on the camper. Interstate traffic, under construction, and a road-side tire gone. I was in full panic mode. But he, predicting any needs he might have, had packed the big floor jack, and honestly, within fifteen minutes he had the spare on and we were back on our way. If it ever phased him that heavy interstate traffic was speeding by his head, he never let it show. I don't know if I've ever admired him quite as much as I did that day.
We all tend to take so much of our partners for granted. Both sides of the fence. It's trips like this that remind me not to do that. Be thankful for all they do, thankful for having them in your life.
grasshopper guts are bright yellow-green...
Just one of my observations from this year's jaunt to Sturgis for the 69th annual rally. We've done the rally four times - and NEVER found the grasshoppers to be such a problem! We take the back way into our campground - through the country - and found when reaching camp that the camper was loaded with grasshoppers. It didn't end there.
I had grasshoppers hit my ear, my forehead, my forearm (left a mark!), and my legs. The bike was so full of grasshopper inards that when sitting at stoplights, or in line, we could smell them baking onto the engine. Every year there is something that sticks out, this year, the bright yellow-green of ill-fated grasshoppers on my shoes, my pants, and everything we owned....
I had grasshoppers hit my ear, my forehead, my forearm (left a mark!), and my legs. The bike was so full of grasshopper inards that when sitting at stoplights, or in line, we could smell them baking onto the engine. Every year there is something that sticks out, this year, the bright yellow-green of ill-fated grasshoppers on my shoes, my pants, and everything we owned....
Friday, July 24, 2009
a quiet friday night
I got a chance tonight to enjoy some of the Blessings in my life. After dinner with family, I weeded the garden, enjoyed some fresh peas (is there any better taste?), and ventured inside. The last few days have been off and on with storms, and the sky seemed unpredictable at the least - large black clouds interspersed with beautiful blue.
Being only 8oclock, I brewed a cup of raspberry tea, grabbed my new book, and headed out to the deck to enjoy the evening. The air had cooled down, bringing a strong wind. In my mind, the wind was my mom, letting me know she was there, giving me a hug. I have been thinking about her so much again lately. No particular reason, but I do like to think she was sitting on the deck with me tonight.
Lots of different birds added their songs to my night. The little house wren was out and about, as well as some robins, and some beautiful orioles new to my yard this year. It was good to see the absence of the jays, as they always seem to bully the others out.
I don't know a better way to spend a Friday night. The cool breeze, the clear air, the smell of the no-longer-thirsty lawn and flowers, a wonderful cup of tea, and a great book. All surrounded by my yard noises, the neighborhood noises, and mom.
I stayed out until I could read no longer. The darkness of night turning me in. 70 pages of my wonderful read, and a cup of tea later, I'd had a perfect quiet Friday night.
Being only 8oclock, I brewed a cup of raspberry tea, grabbed my new book, and headed out to the deck to enjoy the evening. The air had cooled down, bringing a strong wind. In my mind, the wind was my mom, letting me know she was there, giving me a hug. I have been thinking about her so much again lately. No particular reason, but I do like to think she was sitting on the deck with me tonight.
Lots of different birds added their songs to my night. The little house wren was out and about, as well as some robins, and some beautiful orioles new to my yard this year. It was good to see the absence of the jays, as they always seem to bully the others out.
I don't know a better way to spend a Friday night. The cool breeze, the clear air, the smell of the no-longer-thirsty lawn and flowers, a wonderful cup of tea, and a great book. All surrounded by my yard noises, the neighborhood noises, and mom.
I stayed out until I could read no longer. The darkness of night turning me in. 70 pages of my wonderful read, and a cup of tea later, I'd had a perfect quiet Friday night.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Independence Day...
Sitting on the hillside watching our town's fireworks on Saturday, it came to me. People all over our amazing country were doing the exact same thing.. Towns big and small, gathered for one night, gazing into the night, watching the explosions of light. I could picture families sitting at lakes, in bleachers, all coming together to celebrate our independence. It's the one thing that ties all of us Americans together. It's part of our identity.
Friday, July 3, 2009
solitude
I found myself this evening with an unexpected surprise..solitude. With my husband at work, and the carnival downtown luring my kids, I have the house to myself.
My oldest child is now a senior, one year before she leaves the nest. My son, five years later. I've gotten several glimpses at "empty nest" like tonight, and I have to say that solitude is not a bad thing to me.
I finished decorating for my party tomorrow. I weeded the garden. I weeded the flower bed. I took breaks reading my book and enjoying an iced latte. And then, I cut fresh lettuce and spinach from the garden for my dinner.
Solitude in itself is such a gift. In today's world, so many of us rush around day in and day out, from one thing to another. Transporting kids, watching them perform, going to work, doing the shopping, and all of the other countless things we do.
It's not easy to find down time, time to just exist. To enjoy a fresh salad, to read a good book, or to just sit. I challenge you each to find some time to enjoy the solitude. Regain that gift of time to yourself. It is truly a gift.
My oldest child is now a senior, one year before she leaves the nest. My son, five years later. I've gotten several glimpses at "empty nest" like tonight, and I have to say that solitude is not a bad thing to me.
I finished decorating for my party tomorrow. I weeded the garden. I weeded the flower bed. I took breaks reading my book and enjoying an iced latte. And then, I cut fresh lettuce and spinach from the garden for my dinner.
Solitude in itself is such a gift. In today's world, so many of us rush around day in and day out, from one thing to another. Transporting kids, watching them perform, going to work, doing the shopping, and all of the other countless things we do.
It's not easy to find down time, time to just exist. To enjoy a fresh salad, to read a good book, or to just sit. I challenge you each to find some time to enjoy the solitude. Regain that gift of time to yourself. It is truly a gift.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
A New Normal
I love my drives to work in the morning. It always seems like my "thinking" time. This morning, as I passed the cemetary where my mom is buried, I realized that what I thought would never be ok three years ago has become my new normal. When Mom died, I knew life would never be the same - I'd always miss her. I didn't see ever "getting over" her. But I realize now that those changes just move us to the next step in our lives, to our next "normal".
It doesn't matter if it's a move, the loss of someone, a job change, someone else moving. I always feel like my perfect life is being destroyed. I always feel like I love my life, just the way it is, and a change is going to ruin that. But as I get wiser, I see that each change is molding me into a new shape, that new normal.
In the span of less than a year, I lost my mother, left my store, and had my best friend move three hours away. I was pretty sure at the end of that year that it was over. Life as I knew it was done. And in all honesty, it was. Because it has to.
Can you imagine if our lives never changed? If we didn't make new friendships? Didn't try new things? We would not be the amazingly intense, complicated people we are! Each of those changes brings new dimension to our frame of reference, to who we are.
There is no doubt in my mind that I am a better person than who I was before May 9, 2006. I'm not saying that this journey is easy, because it's not. But I'm beginning to appreciate all of my "new normals", and who they are making me into.
It doesn't matter if it's a move, the loss of someone, a job change, someone else moving. I always feel like my perfect life is being destroyed. I always feel like I love my life, just the way it is, and a change is going to ruin that. But as I get wiser, I see that each change is molding me into a new shape, that new normal.
In the span of less than a year, I lost my mother, left my store, and had my best friend move three hours away. I was pretty sure at the end of that year that it was over. Life as I knew it was done. And in all honesty, it was. Because it has to.
Can you imagine if our lives never changed? If we didn't make new friendships? Didn't try new things? We would not be the amazingly intense, complicated people we are! Each of those changes brings new dimension to our frame of reference, to who we are.
There is no doubt in my mind that I am a better person than who I was before May 9, 2006. I'm not saying that this journey is easy, because it's not. But I'm beginning to appreciate all of my "new normals", and who they are making me into.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
holy shit
Sorry if I offended anyone with that title, but the story must be told...
While re-doing the landscaping in front of my house, I moved a beautiful stone bird house to a hook in between the bedroom windows. This house, never before occupied, has been rented now by a pair of House Wrens, who I found out last night, have since given birth. I love having the birds chirping outside the bedroom window in the mornings, my wake-up call before the alarm.
We are in the process of finishing the border around the house, and last night set out to lay the last of the pea gravel. Because of recent rains, we decided not to drive the truck on the lawn, so I had to shovel the pea gravel into the wheelbarrow to transport around the house. My son was helping for a bit, actually just being chatty (very little actual labor came out of those hands), keeping me company.
He was the one to inform me that there were babies:
"Mom, did you know the birds in the house had babies? I can hear them tweeting!"
"Make sure you stay away from the house, honey. They will want to protect those babies, and we don't want them doing anything to them. ok? "
Time elapses.. Several more loads of pea gravel walked past the birdhouse to be laid. As I'm rounding the corner, I see my son (age 12, taller than I) bending down, about 3 feet in front of the bird house, trying to peer in and see the babies.
All of a sudden, that little House Wren (all 4 inches of him) swooped out and got my son on his head.
"HOLY SHIT" was all I heard.
I of course started laughing hysterically, until I realized what he said. When I questioned his words, he dropped his head, ashamed of what he'd said. I of course just laughed and told him he deserved everything he got from that little bird - I'd do the same if there was a peeping tom outside YOUR window.
Hopefully it was a lesson learned.
While re-doing the landscaping in front of my house, I moved a beautiful stone bird house to a hook in between the bedroom windows. This house, never before occupied, has been rented now by a pair of House Wrens, who I found out last night, have since given birth. I love having the birds chirping outside the bedroom window in the mornings, my wake-up call before the alarm.
We are in the process of finishing the border around the house, and last night set out to lay the last of the pea gravel. Because of recent rains, we decided not to drive the truck on the lawn, so I had to shovel the pea gravel into the wheelbarrow to transport around the house. My son was helping for a bit, actually just being chatty (very little actual labor came out of those hands), keeping me company.
He was the one to inform me that there were babies:
"Mom, did you know the birds in the house had babies? I can hear them tweeting!"
"Make sure you stay away from the house, honey. They will want to protect those babies, and we don't want them doing anything to them. ok? "
Time elapses.. Several more loads of pea gravel walked past the birdhouse to be laid. As I'm rounding the corner, I see my son (age 12, taller than I) bending down, about 3 feet in front of the bird house, trying to peer in and see the babies.
All of a sudden, that little House Wren (all 4 inches of him) swooped out and got my son on his head.
"HOLY SHIT" was all I heard.
I of course started laughing hysterically, until I realized what he said. When I questioned his words, he dropped his head, ashamed of what he'd said. I of course just laughed and told him he deserved everything he got from that little bird - I'd do the same if there was a peeping tom outside YOUR window.
Hopefully it was a lesson learned.
summer break as a mother of two...
During the school year, my morning is pretty hectic, getting up early enough to be ready for work before the teenage daughter and pre-teen son take up the shower and bathroom. So summer break for me means not having to rush! When I get up, the house is quiet. I get so much more done.
This morning my DH and DS left at 5:30am to pick strawberries, so there was a little more hustle and bustle around while I was getting ready. I rushed around, packing all I needed for work, filling my thermos, and getting out to the car.
Imagine my surprise when I turned on the car, and the clock read 6:06.
In my rush, I'd forgotten that it was summer, and that I hadn't been rushing around my kids getting ready for work. Needless to say, I don't need to leave for work at 6am. So I went back into the house, made some breakfast, and enjoyed my found time.
This morning my DH and DS left at 5:30am to pick strawberries, so there was a little more hustle and bustle around while I was getting ready. I rushed around, packing all I needed for work, filling my thermos, and getting out to the car.
Imagine my surprise when I turned on the car, and the clock read 6:06.
In my rush, I'd forgotten that it was summer, and that I hadn't been rushing around my kids getting ready for work. Needless to say, I don't need to leave for work at 6am. So I went back into the house, made some breakfast, and enjoyed my found time.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
the smell of the morning air
Leaving the house at 6:25 this morning, I opened the door to a wall of humidity. Not a little humidity. A wall of dense air. The street was quiet, except for my resident House Wren, chattering away. The grass was so heavy with dew that it was bent over, droplets hanging from the tips. Already 69 degrees that early, the cars were covered, not with frost, as we have in winter, but with condensation. And the air smelled humid. It was thick air, clinging to your airways. With a hint of mildewing moisture.
Friday, June 19, 2009
a rainy afternoon
I think this afternoon's rain is a gift. God, telling some of us to sit back and relax. So many of my friends are doing the same as we are now, frantically doing landscaping, re-roofing, siding, all of those outdoor projects we wait all winter to complete.
On a day like this, my initial reaction is utter disappointment that I'm not going to be able to "stay on schedule" with my landscaping projects. In my head, I was getting supplies at noon, then getting a good couple of hours in after dinner tonight, leaving about 2 more hours to finish this weekend, in between graduation parties, a visit to my dad, as well as an afternoon with a sister.
God had different plans. He thinks we need rain (and I think we do!). And He thinks that we need a break from our plans. It's amazing how quickly we are reminded that we are not in charge! We so often think we are the ones calling the plays, making our "schedules".
We are not. He will guide us, push our life in the direction it is supposed to go!
So I now am seeing this rainy afternoon as a beautiful gift. After dinner I might just start the next book for book club, or go through a couple of magazines. After all, it's rude not to accept a gift!
On a day like this, my initial reaction is utter disappointment that I'm not going to be able to "stay on schedule" with my landscaping projects. In my head, I was getting supplies at noon, then getting a good couple of hours in after dinner tonight, leaving about 2 more hours to finish this weekend, in between graduation parties, a visit to my dad, as well as an afternoon with a sister.
God had different plans. He thinks we need rain (and I think we do!). And He thinks that we need a break from our plans. It's amazing how quickly we are reminded that we are not in charge! We so often think we are the ones calling the plays, making our "schedules".
We are not. He will guide us, push our life in the direction it is supposed to go!
So I now am seeing this rainy afternoon as a beautiful gift. After dinner I might just start the next book for book club, or go through a couple of magazines. After all, it's rude not to accept a gift!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
seventeen years ago today....
My firstborn is 17 years old today. It is unfathomable to me. I know that's a cliche. But it really is so true. I feel like life is flying by, like just weeks ago, she was making a commercial in the big box in the living room, while doing a Martha Stewart show. I have a year before she leaves for college. A year of weekends. A year of mornings. A year of movie nights. A year of watching her from the bleachers. It's SO hard to grasp.
I hope that she has a good day. She's been not so happy these last few days- not sure why, as she evades the question. I'm sure her best friend graduating is a part of it. As is summer. She's very social. She misses her friends in the summer, misses seeing them every day.
But she has a busy summer planned - basketball league, volleyball league, volleyball camp, several mini vacas with us. It will be a fun summer, no doubt. The beginning of her transformation to adulthood. She commented the other day that she can now see rated R movies. It's those little things. She's making her own choices. And she's making good ones. I'm SO proud of the decisions she's made.
Enough rambling. Time to concentrate. Celebrating A will come tonight....
I hope that she has a good day. She's been not so happy these last few days- not sure why, as she evades the question. I'm sure her best friend graduating is a part of it. As is summer. She's very social. She misses her friends in the summer, misses seeing them every day.
But she has a busy summer planned - basketball league, volleyball league, volleyball camp, several mini vacas with us. It will be a fun summer, no doubt. The beginning of her transformation to adulthood. She commented the other day that she can now see rated R movies. It's those little things. She's making her own choices. And she's making good ones. I'm SO proud of the decisions she's made.
Enough rambling. Time to concentrate. Celebrating A will come tonight....
Thursday, June 4, 2009
begin life crisis
I wouldn't say I'm having a mid-life crisis. But I do think I'm having a begin-life crisis. Meaning I'm beginning to live life. I am devoted to my gardens. I am devoted to work. I am devoted to my Bible study. And last week, I finally bought my first Harley. Ok, it's a Buell, but still a Harley.
Many people hit "mid life" and buy a sports car, or something crazy. I don't want to think of myself as "mid life". I'm really not that old. This motorcycle is a beginning. Something for me. For who I am. It's my "begin-life crisis".
Many people hit "mid life" and buy a sports car, or something crazy. I don't want to think of myself as "mid life". I'm really not that old. This motorcycle is a beginning. Something for me. For who I am. It's my "begin-life crisis".
central wisconsin spring
Driving home last week, after three days of long rains, I noticed the corn.
There are a LOT of corn fields here. A lot. And every spring, the fields are worked up, planted, and watched, to see if the corn will be "knee-high by the 4th", meaning the 4th of July. There is something beautiful about the symmetry of planted corn fields, and on this particular day, it was the first day I noticed the corn coming up. Beautiful rows...acres of it... about two inches high. Spring has arrived.
It's been a cool spring so far. We turn our furnace off completely, so cool springs are very evident at our house. We freeze. There are nights I have to cover my head because my nose gets cold. On the really bad nights, we light a fire in the fireplace, which is all we need. But those in between nights get mighty cold....
My garden is up and doing well. Every night I hoe one quarter. It's a round garden, but vegetables, mixed with flowers. The lettuce, spinach, onions, peas, beans, tomatoes, and peppers are all doing well. I should be eating fresh lettuce salads within a week. It's beautiful to look at. I have worked very hard this spring on my flower beds, garden, herbs, raspberries, and grapes. They look better than ever. I hope that I can maintain it. It's the first year I"ve not had to take care of my dad, so I think that my time will be more for my yard work. I hope so. There is nothing more satisfying.
Well, enough rambling on the spring. The lilacs, tulips, and other spring flowers are done, it's time to watch the Iris's (the flower that reminds me of mom).
There are a LOT of corn fields here. A lot. And every spring, the fields are worked up, planted, and watched, to see if the corn will be "knee-high by the 4th", meaning the 4th of July. There is something beautiful about the symmetry of planted corn fields, and on this particular day, it was the first day I noticed the corn coming up. Beautiful rows...acres of it... about two inches high. Spring has arrived.
It's been a cool spring so far. We turn our furnace off completely, so cool springs are very evident at our house. We freeze. There are nights I have to cover my head because my nose gets cold. On the really bad nights, we light a fire in the fireplace, which is all we need. But those in between nights get mighty cold....
My garden is up and doing well. Every night I hoe one quarter. It's a round garden, but vegetables, mixed with flowers. The lettuce, spinach, onions, peas, beans, tomatoes, and peppers are all doing well. I should be eating fresh lettuce salads within a week. It's beautiful to look at. I have worked very hard this spring on my flower beds, garden, herbs, raspberries, and grapes. They look better than ever. I hope that I can maintain it. It's the first year I"ve not had to take care of my dad, so I think that my time will be more for my yard work. I hope so. There is nothing more satisfying.
Well, enough rambling on the spring. The lilacs, tulips, and other spring flowers are done, it's time to watch the Iris's (the flower that reminds me of mom).
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
the season begins...
Camping season is upon us. Probably my favorite part of summer, after riding the Harley. We don't always go far - we are Blessed to have two GREAT campgrounds within 15 minutes of our home - but it's camping none the less.
I love having nothing more to do than exist. Cook for the troops. Read my book. Sit by the campfire. Go for walks.
There is just nothing better than sitting by the fire after the sun goes down, and the chill hits the air. Moving closer and closer to stay warm, watching the flames, listening to nothing.
But my FAVORITE part of camping is early morning. I'm an early riser. Always the first one up. I get up, dew still on the grass, sun just coming up, and start the fire. It's SO quiet in the mornings. just the lapping of waves, the sounds of the woods. I put the water on the fire for my coffee, and read the book while the sun comes up. I see fish jumping, cranes and ducks flying in. It's one of those God moments, when you realize that God created all of this amazing world we live in.
I love having nothing more to do than exist. Cook for the troops. Read my book. Sit by the campfire. Go for walks.
There is just nothing better than sitting by the fire after the sun goes down, and the chill hits the air. Moving closer and closer to stay warm, watching the flames, listening to nothing.
But my FAVORITE part of camping is early morning. I'm an early riser. Always the first one up. I get up, dew still on the grass, sun just coming up, and start the fire. It's SO quiet in the mornings. just the lapping of waves, the sounds of the woods. I put the water on the fire for my coffee, and read the book while the sun comes up. I see fish jumping, cranes and ducks flying in. It's one of those God moments, when you realize that God created all of this amazing world we live in.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
life partners
This last weekend, our best friends were up for a visit. The guys took the boys out bumming - disc golf, bowling, the Trek movie, while the girls shopped and scrapbooked. I'm in a pickle with scrapbooking - needing to finish up existing albums because of a page resizing. So I decided it was a weekend to do my wedding album, something I've put off for years. I had the album, just needed to dig it out.
I haven't looked at those snapshots in years. What an amazing weekend reliving that wonderful time in my life. Seeing pictures of all the family and friends that came to wish us well, some of whom are no longer with us. Remembering the crazy stories from the four days of excitement, being surrounded by all that love us.
But most of all, it brought to my mind just how amazing my husband is. While he has his quirks, and life is sometimes far from rosy, I really am amazingly Blessed to have him as my life partner. I really feel I love him more every single year we are together. Life is an adventure with him. He's such a GOOD PERSON. A Christian, a great dad, a good son, and most of all, the most amazing life partner anyone could ask for. I so look forward to whatever our future holds, our life adventure that awaits.
I haven't looked at those snapshots in years. What an amazing weekend reliving that wonderful time in my life. Seeing pictures of all the family and friends that came to wish us well, some of whom are no longer with us. Remembering the crazy stories from the four days of excitement, being surrounded by all that love us.
But most of all, it brought to my mind just how amazing my husband is. While he has his quirks, and life is sometimes far from rosy, I really am amazingly Blessed to have him as my life partner. I really feel I love him more every single year we are together. Life is an adventure with him. He's such a GOOD PERSON. A Christian, a great dad, a good son, and most of all, the most amazing life partner anyone could ask for. I so look forward to whatever our future holds, our life adventure that awaits.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
just call me toad...
a woman very dear to my heart is losing her battle with cancer. a second round battle - the first won 11 years ago. but this one is beating her. and it is killing me, and so many others, to watch her give her all to something that in the end will simply consumer her, her energy, and her body.
this woman is one of those spirits that touches so many in her walk through life. her life has been hard from day one. but no matter what happens, what twists she's been through, she comes out of it. and honestly, we all figured that she would do the same with this. it's been a long couple of years, but death was really never an option to most of us. she's tough. she wins. she beats cancer.
a few months ago, i was doing something for her, and she answered with "thanks toad". i had no idea why she called me toad - yet she insisted it was a compliment. i've been toad ever since. and now, with this final diagnosis, i want to be toad forever, because through that, she will always be with me.
this woman is one of those spirits that touches so many in her walk through life. her life has been hard from day one. but no matter what happens, what twists she's been through, she comes out of it. and honestly, we all figured that she would do the same with this. it's been a long couple of years, but death was really never an option to most of us. she's tough. she wins. she beats cancer.
a few months ago, i was doing something for her, and she answered with "thanks toad". i had no idea why she called me toad - yet she insisted it was a compliment. i've been toad ever since. and now, with this final diagnosis, i want to be toad forever, because through that, she will always be with me.
Monday, April 20, 2009
an approaching birthday...
So many things run through my head at this time of year. What did I DO this last year - what did I accomplish?
A year ago, I was still taking care of my dad, his house, etc. So I am in a very different place right now. He's very successfully transitioned to the VA home, evidenced in a great visit we had yesterday. We sold my childhood home, which was extremely difficult, as well as dividing everything up among the children. I have to say I've got a few great pieces, not worth anything, but full of memories, now in my home. I love that. VERY much.
I've started my MBA. Got A's in both classes my first term, and am now signing up for another. I'm really enjoying the process! Taking two classes the first term was a bit much. I want to enjoy this, not stress myself about it. I've learned that lesson.
My promotion at work has brought additional responsibilities, which I thrive on. I've found I come in a little earlier, work a little harder. Being recognized for hard work is an amazing payoff.
I am graduating on Wed from Leadership Marshfield. As part of that, I am the VP of Buy Local Marshfield, an amazing movement to improve Marshfield's existence. Our website launched successfully on Friday, a good good thing!
I'm still very busy with fundraising and volunteering, thanks to an amazing company I work for that backs the work. I really am BLessed that way.
I am attending a Bible study, to strengthen my Faith, and spend time on it. Probably the most important change of my year. It's been ages since I committed to it, and it's the highlight of my week.
I guess the one place I'm NOT succeeding is taking care of myself. That really needs to be in the forefront of my thoughts this next year. I'm surrounded by amazing friends and family, Blessings overflowing. Maybe my highlight this year should just be to acknowledge all Blessings and be thankful!
A year ago, I was still taking care of my dad, his house, etc. So I am in a very different place right now. He's very successfully transitioned to the VA home, evidenced in a great visit we had yesterday. We sold my childhood home, which was extremely difficult, as well as dividing everything up among the children. I have to say I've got a few great pieces, not worth anything, but full of memories, now in my home. I love that. VERY much.
I've started my MBA. Got A's in both classes my first term, and am now signing up for another. I'm really enjoying the process! Taking two classes the first term was a bit much. I want to enjoy this, not stress myself about it. I've learned that lesson.
My promotion at work has brought additional responsibilities, which I thrive on. I've found I come in a little earlier, work a little harder. Being recognized for hard work is an amazing payoff.
I am graduating on Wed from Leadership Marshfield. As part of that, I am the VP of Buy Local Marshfield, an amazing movement to improve Marshfield's existence. Our website launched successfully on Friday, a good good thing!
I'm still very busy with fundraising and volunteering, thanks to an amazing company I work for that backs the work. I really am BLessed that way.
I am attending a Bible study, to strengthen my Faith, and spend time on it. Probably the most important change of my year. It's been ages since I committed to it, and it's the highlight of my week.
I guess the one place I'm NOT succeeding is taking care of myself. That really needs to be in the forefront of my thoughts this next year. I'm surrounded by amazing friends and family, Blessings overflowing. Maybe my highlight this year should just be to acknowledge all Blessings and be thankful!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
almost three weeks????
I cannot believe it's been almost three weeks.... I had finals for school (got A's in both classes!), as well as final papers, etc., RIGHT before going to DC with Allie over spring break. So it was a pretty hectic time!
I want to reflect on Lent. I am not Catholic (although I admire some of their traditions). But I've tried in the past to use Lent to try to refocus my Faith, concentrate on it a bit more. Never very successful. Oh, I'm great for the first couple of weeks, and then it fades. And I am angry with myself every year.
This year I mulled over what I could do to focus on Jesus' suffering and sacrifice for 6 weeks... The only thing I could think of was to give up coffee. Anyone who knows me knows that coffee is my thing. I love the smell, the taste, have my kitchen covered in it. It's always been my thing, since about 6th grade. So I decided that I would give up coffee.
For six weeks, many times each day, I would see coffee, or worse yet SMELL coffee, and think to myself - - "Jesus suffered for me. Jesus DIED for me. For ME, a poor sinner." It was the first time that I truly took time every day to meditate on the Lenten season. I hope that my last six weeks can hang around a little longer. I need Him in my life. He is who makes me who I am.
I want to reflect on Lent. I am not Catholic (although I admire some of their traditions). But I've tried in the past to use Lent to try to refocus my Faith, concentrate on it a bit more. Never very successful. Oh, I'm great for the first couple of weeks, and then it fades. And I am angry with myself every year.
This year I mulled over what I could do to focus on Jesus' suffering and sacrifice for 6 weeks... The only thing I could think of was to give up coffee. Anyone who knows me knows that coffee is my thing. I love the smell, the taste, have my kitchen covered in it. It's always been my thing, since about 6th grade. So I decided that I would give up coffee.
For six weeks, many times each day, I would see coffee, or worse yet SMELL coffee, and think to myself - - "Jesus suffered for me. Jesus DIED for me. For ME, a poor sinner." It was the first time that I truly took time every day to meditate on the Lenten season. I hope that my last six weeks can hang around a little longer. I need Him in my life. He is who makes me who I am.
Monday, March 30, 2009
too long!
Oh, it's been TOO long since I posted. And so much has happened.
Flash back to March 20. DD and I took a road trip to Nebraska - for several things. One, to visit friends, two, for my work, and three, most important of all, a college on-site for my DD, who has started looking at colleges.
MY oh MY. My dd looking at colleges. Quite scary for me. I'm not at all worried about her. She will be fine. But ME on the other hand - oye. I'm scared to death. How will I function without her? The school she is in love with is almost 8 hours from home. That is a LONG way for a Mom who needs to see her children. But I'm happy that she's starting to prepare, and starting to have fun.
It was great fun to see lots of friends, although one was missing. :-(
Fast forward to Friday. I was given a promotion - out of the blue. A very exciting time, as I've been working towards this for years.
Then to last weekend. Girls weekend to see the Titanic exhibit. Too much fun. Great relaxing getaway.
While all of these warrant their own blogs, time is tight. I have 5 days to write one case study, one 12 page paper, and two finals. WHEW> No time to blog! Sorry. Ck back in a couple of weeks~
Flash back to March 20. DD and I took a road trip to Nebraska - for several things. One, to visit friends, two, for my work, and three, most important of all, a college on-site for my DD, who has started looking at colleges.
MY oh MY. My dd looking at colleges. Quite scary for me. I'm not at all worried about her. She will be fine. But ME on the other hand - oye. I'm scared to death. How will I function without her? The school she is in love with is almost 8 hours from home. That is a LONG way for a Mom who needs to see her children. But I'm happy that she's starting to prepare, and starting to have fun.
It was great fun to see lots of friends, although one was missing. :-(
Fast forward to Friday. I was given a promotion - out of the blue. A very exciting time, as I've been working towards this for years.
Then to last weekend. Girls weekend to see the Titanic exhibit. Too much fun. Great relaxing getaway.
While all of these warrant their own blogs, time is tight. I have 5 days to write one case study, one 12 page paper, and two finals. WHEW> No time to blog! Sorry. Ck back in a couple of weeks~
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
sounds of spring...
spring has finally arrived here in central wisconsin... yesterday was the first day that it really felt like spring from morning until night. walking out of the house in the morning, i heard the birds! it was the first day i noticed them, and it was a wonderful way to start the day!
after work, i had to run errands for a friend, and it was beautiful out. i had the car windows down to enjoy the fresh air. sitting at a stoplight, i heard the true sound of spring. a sound i could hear approaching from blocks away... the rumble. that beautiful rumble.
four harleys enjoying the first ride.
it's spring!
after work, i had to run errands for a friend, and it was beautiful out. i had the car windows down to enjoy the fresh air. sitting at a stoplight, i heard the true sound of spring. a sound i could hear approaching from blocks away... the rumble. that beautiful rumble.
four harleys enjoying the first ride.
it's spring!
Monday, March 16, 2009
the relationship with my son...
Yesterday the weather turned beautiful. My son and I had to take our coats off walking home from church, what a nice surprise! I had a lot of homework to do, but I was well rested, and moving mountains. When I finished my paper, which I was proud of, he told me "good job". Understand, he is 11. While he is taller than me, and stronger than me, he is still only 11, my baby. And he was cheering me on. It warmed my heart.
With the paper down, and a quiz, discussion, and homework looming, I dug in. I finished quite early, around 4. So I asked if he wanted to join me for a walk. "Sure". Not much, but it meant he still wanted to spend time with me.
While we walked, he dribbled his basketball (which very seldom leaves his hands when he's out doors), and the two of us passed the ball back and forth, he practicing his quick stops, pivots, etc. Quickly, the first mile was behind us and we were near the highway. I make him hang onto the ball for the short stint on the highway, and as we walked in silence, I heard a chuckle. When I asked what was so funny, he said "you're how old, and your 11 year old son is taller than you". Not sure why that struck him as so funny, but I smacked him on the back side of the head, and we continued. The last mile was again passing, dribbling, etc., general joking.
I just love that we have this kind of relationship. So comfortable. It's good. And for now, it's still mine. And THAT I cherish.
With the paper down, and a quiz, discussion, and homework looming, I dug in. I finished quite early, around 4. So I asked if he wanted to join me for a walk. "Sure". Not much, but it meant he still wanted to spend time with me.
While we walked, he dribbled his basketball (which very seldom leaves his hands when he's out doors), and the two of us passed the ball back and forth, he practicing his quick stops, pivots, etc. Quickly, the first mile was behind us and we were near the highway. I make him hang onto the ball for the short stint on the highway, and as we walked in silence, I heard a chuckle. When I asked what was so funny, he said "you're how old, and your 11 year old son is taller than you". Not sure why that struck him as so funny, but I smacked him on the back side of the head, and we continued. The last mile was again passing, dribbling, etc., general joking.
I just love that we have this kind of relationship. So comfortable. It's good. And for now, it's still mine. And THAT I cherish.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
feelin the love.....
I had a last minute NE trip pop up- twofold, to do a college visit for my daughter (ugh), and to do a vendor visit for work. It literally took only minutes for word of my impending travel to reach everyone in NE, and I was flooded with excitement from all of them on being able to catch up. I miss all of them so terribly. They are all so important in my life. And to know that I am important in their lives as well is just one of those "feelin the love" moments. I know why God put them all in my life. ...
I know I say this a lot, but I AM SO BLESSED!
I know I say this a lot, but I AM SO BLESSED!
Friday, March 6, 2009
so many Blessings...
My life is in a definite downturn right now. It was such a rough week, and I'm feeling like a person on an island right now. No one here to help. Until two beautiful Blessings today.
This morning, a dear, dear friend at work (actually old enough to be my mother - I went to school with her kids) surprised me. She knows that I've been in a tough place lately. And she also knows just how important my Faith is during these times in my life. Today she surprised me with a small prayer book. One that has meant a lot to her. It made me cry. I look forward to spending some time each morning in devotion in that book. What a Blessing.
Then at lunch, I had an amazing surprise. I received a friend request on facebook of someone I did not know. When I read the message, I found that she was a long, lost friend. And again, I cried. I cried for someone I've been looking for off and on for the last 17 years. The last time I saw her she was holding my brand new baby girl, who turns 17 in June. We lost track after I left Nebraska, and several times I've tried to find her. I learned today that she was looking for me too, and she hunted through all the "melissas" that went to our college to find me. And I couldn't be happier. I've thought about her so many times in the last 17 years. Wondered where she was, what she was up to. And today we got to catch up. And I'll get to see her in a couple of months. Out of nowhere, my dear, dear friend is back in my life. I don't deserve such Blessings. But I'll take them!
This morning, a dear, dear friend at work (actually old enough to be my mother - I went to school with her kids) surprised me. She knows that I've been in a tough place lately. And she also knows just how important my Faith is during these times in my life. Today she surprised me with a small prayer book. One that has meant a lot to her. It made me cry. I look forward to spending some time each morning in devotion in that book. What a Blessing.
Then at lunch, I had an amazing surprise. I received a friend request on facebook of someone I did not know. When I read the message, I found that she was a long, lost friend. And again, I cried. I cried for someone I've been looking for off and on for the last 17 years. The last time I saw her she was holding my brand new baby girl, who turns 17 in June. We lost track after I left Nebraska, and several times I've tried to find her. I learned today that she was looking for me too, and she hunted through all the "melissas" that went to our college to find me. And I couldn't be happier. I've thought about her so many times in the last 17 years. Wondered where she was, what she was up to. And today we got to catch up. And I'll get to see her in a couple of months. Out of nowhere, my dear, dear friend is back in my life. I don't deserve such Blessings. But I'll take them!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
the ups and downs...
I imagine the reason I have such ups and downs is because of my underlying spirit, and passion for all that is life. The swings are so strong, that they sometimes scare me. I am so passionate about everything I am part of, that when something doesn't go the way I'd like, or howI think it should go, it pulls me into the depths.
I am in the depths. Everything these last two days has gone wrong. And I have such good intentions, yet somehow mess them up. To the point that I just want to shut my door, not answer the phone, not answer email.
I am under a great amount of stress at work right now. Between cutbacks and cost savings and trying to do more with less, I am pulling my hair out. (Ok, it's falling out - but still from that stress.)
My classes, while they are a tremendous amount of work, are going well. Econ is OK. Accounting is going well.
Personally, I'm falling apart. Physically, any progress I'd made toward health is out the door. I've stopped taking time to exercise. I don't eat well. And because of both of those, I am tired, and out of energy. I know the answer is to put myself first. But that is SO hard to do.
I'm not getting the support I need at home. These last two days I've had such hard days, and I really don't get the shoulder I need. It's not his fault. It's who he is. But if I had a little help, I think things would go so much better.
It just seems that so many things are falling apart. And I need to know why. How does my life get to this point? I have nothing to complain about. Not one thing! I am ridiculously Blessed. I know that, and don't want to come across as unthankful. My life is just out of balance right now. And if I don't get it back IN balance, things are going to suffer more than they are now.
I am in the depths. Everything these last two days has gone wrong. And I have such good intentions, yet somehow mess them up. To the point that I just want to shut my door, not answer the phone, not answer email.
I am under a great amount of stress at work right now. Between cutbacks and cost savings and trying to do more with less, I am pulling my hair out. (Ok, it's falling out - but still from that stress.)
My classes, while they are a tremendous amount of work, are going well. Econ is OK. Accounting is going well.
Personally, I'm falling apart. Physically, any progress I'd made toward health is out the door. I've stopped taking time to exercise. I don't eat well. And because of both of those, I am tired, and out of energy. I know the answer is to put myself first. But that is SO hard to do.
I'm not getting the support I need at home. These last two days I've had such hard days, and I really don't get the shoulder I need. It's not his fault. It's who he is. But if I had a little help, I think things would go so much better.
It just seems that so many things are falling apart. And I need to know why. How does my life get to this point? I have nothing to complain about. Not one thing! I am ridiculously Blessed. I know that, and don't want to come across as unthankful. My life is just out of balance right now. And if I don't get it back IN balance, things are going to suffer more than they are now.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
the day long fumble...
It was just was one of those days, where all I seem to do is fumble. I've been struggling with an excrutiating headache in the left side of my head for almost a week now. Could be a loose filling issue, could be a sinus infection. I'm hoping that it will subside without needing to go to the doctor. I try very hard to let my body naturally fight things that invade.
Back to my day. Today was a big day. Press conference big. Literally a press conference. For something I am SO passionately beginning in my home town. I'm on the Buy Local team for my town. We began to create this group back in November, and kicked off the campaign today with a press conference. And it went well until this WOMAN started commenting. She was so NEGATIVE. It frustrated me so. What we are trying to do is all good for our community, yet there she was, trying to twist and turn it around to a negative. While I think people realized what she was doing, it frustrated me. Why did she have the right to ruin our day? It still bothers me, and I hate that I let people control my feelings like that. I know what we do is incredible. It is going to be a wonderful movement in our town, and I am thrilled to be able to be a part of it. That is what I need to concentrate on.
Back at work, I answered one email after lunch, having spent quite a bit of time drafting it to sound right, only to find after hitting "send" that they were already fixing the issue...
I responded to an email with a group, thinking that one of the members was being harsh to another, only to be corrected, that there was genuine reason to be concerned.
I decided it was one of those days just to keep my mouth shut. So I dug in and got lots accomplished. Turned off my email. Turned off the phone (ok, let it go to voicemail).
I hope tomorrow is better!
Back to my day. Today was a big day. Press conference big. Literally a press conference. For something I am SO passionately beginning in my home town. I'm on the Buy Local team for my town. We began to create this group back in November, and kicked off the campaign today with a press conference. And it went well until this WOMAN started commenting. She was so NEGATIVE. It frustrated me so. What we are trying to do is all good for our community, yet there she was, trying to twist and turn it around to a negative. While I think people realized what she was doing, it frustrated me. Why did she have the right to ruin our day? It still bothers me, and I hate that I let people control my feelings like that. I know what we do is incredible. It is going to be a wonderful movement in our town, and I am thrilled to be able to be a part of it. That is what I need to concentrate on.
Back at work, I answered one email after lunch, having spent quite a bit of time drafting it to sound right, only to find after hitting "send" that they were already fixing the issue...
I responded to an email with a group, thinking that one of the members was being harsh to another, only to be corrected, that there was genuine reason to be concerned.
I decided it was one of those days just to keep my mouth shut. So I dug in and got lots accomplished. Turned off my email. Turned off the phone (ok, let it go to voicemail).
I hope tomorrow is better!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Santa Teresa de Avila
While visiting Avila in the late 80s, I was struck by a statue of Santa Teresa, who started the Carmelite nuns. Santa Teresa's life revolved around her Faith, her love of God. She lived a simple life, pure. A poem was sent to me today. Every time it's sent, I am moved:
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
plumber butt and more random thoughts....
For some reason my mind is swimming with dozens of observations I've mentally noted in the last two weeks.
I have seen two HORRIBLY graphic examples of plumber butt in the last two weeks. And it makes me wonder. Do they know? Has anyone ever showed them what it looks like? Maybe if we took a picture, they would understand. It's something I really have no want of seeing, yet miraculously they are always right in front of your face.....
FAITH. Last night was Ash Wednesday. I have been gone for the last three weekends, unable to go to church. So I made sure that I could get there last night. It's amazing to me how renewing it is just to go to church. I have noticed my mentality, my moods, my life in general has been tense these last three weeks. I, as a person, NEED community worship. It cleanses me. Thank you, Pastor Tom, for inspiring me like no other. For cleansing my soul, and for making me new again. For being the voice that brings me The Word, and makes me better.
Snow... It is supposed to start snowing here around 2pm. Yet at 9am, they called school to close at noon. Ok. Maybe I'm missing something. But it hasn't even STARTED to snow yet. The sun is shining, and it's beautiful out. According to radar, it's about in LaCrosse. I'm pretty sure that when we were kids, we wouldn't be out of school for a "proposed" snow storm on the way. And this isn't the first time it's happened!!! Snow boots anyone?
Basketball. Basketball (BB) has been all over my life lately. Saw the Bucks beat the Nuggets on Sunday. WOOHOO. Daughter is playing in the regional semi finals tomorrow (was postponed - due to the "proposed" snow). Son is playing in tourneys every weekend, which are by far the highlight of the week, as we parents get to hang out all weekend long....
Well, that's enough for now. Random thoughts - no question there.
I have seen two HORRIBLY graphic examples of plumber butt in the last two weeks. And it makes me wonder. Do they know? Has anyone ever showed them what it looks like? Maybe if we took a picture, they would understand. It's something I really have no want of seeing, yet miraculously they are always right in front of your face.....
FAITH. Last night was Ash Wednesday. I have been gone for the last three weekends, unable to go to church. So I made sure that I could get there last night. It's amazing to me how renewing it is just to go to church. I have noticed my mentality, my moods, my life in general has been tense these last three weeks. I, as a person, NEED community worship. It cleanses me. Thank you, Pastor Tom, for inspiring me like no other. For cleansing my soul, and for making me new again. For being the voice that brings me The Word, and makes me better.
Snow... It is supposed to start snowing here around 2pm. Yet at 9am, they called school to close at noon. Ok. Maybe I'm missing something. But it hasn't even STARTED to snow yet. The sun is shining, and it's beautiful out. According to radar, it's about in LaCrosse. I'm pretty sure that when we were kids, we wouldn't be out of school for a "proposed" snow storm on the way. And this isn't the first time it's happened!!! Snow boots anyone?
Basketball. Basketball (BB) has been all over my life lately. Saw the Bucks beat the Nuggets on Sunday. WOOHOO. Daughter is playing in the regional semi finals tomorrow (was postponed - due to the "proposed" snow). Son is playing in tourneys every weekend, which are by far the highlight of the week, as we parents get to hang out all weekend long....
Well, that's enough for now. Random thoughts - no question there.
Friday, February 20, 2009
the open road...
I've been playing with my facebook, and my blog tonight (instead of finishing my econ midterm), and loaded a bunch of pictures from the Harley trips over the past years. I can't wait for Sturgis this year. It's been two years since we were there, and it's like missing a home away from home. We stay at a campground called the Buffalo Chip (ck out the slide show!), and it is seriously like going home.
There is a freedom to being a biker. People don't care where you work, or who you are, except that you are a biker. I love that. I love just being me. No pretenses. No game playing. What you see is what you get.
The countdown to Sturgis begins.....
There is a freedom to being a biker. People don't care where you work, or who you are, except that you are a biker. I love that. I love just being me. No pretenses. No game playing. What you see is what you get.
The countdown to Sturgis begins.....
laughter is the best medicine..
Oh, to start with a cliche. Sorry about that. But as I sit here on a Friday night, finishing off a ridiculously hectic week, I'm struck by the irony that my week held. In several (I think four) separate occassions, it was a very hard week at work. Personnel issues, review writing, etc. Just very busy. And yet what I take home from this week is the pure laughter we experienced throughout the week. Laughing at ourselves for losing our minds, laughing at stories of children and grandchildren, and laughing at each other.
I work with amazing people. Even after having really hard face to face talks about not-s0-good issues, I was able to have an amazing meeting with a coworker that started and ended in genuine laughter.
I have an awesome friend at work, one that is a true confidant, and she and I have laughed more this week (in between frustrations) than we have in months. It's been a hard last few months. And it finally feels like we're back in the groove. I can't thank her enough for what her friendship means to me. On a daily basis.
I work with amazing people. Even after having really hard face to face talks about not-s0-good issues, I was able to have an amazing meeting with a coworker that started and ended in genuine laughter.
I have an awesome friend at work, one that is a true confidant, and she and I have laughed more this week (in between frustrations) than we have in months. It's been a hard last few months. And it finally feels like we're back in the groove. I can't thank her enough for what her friendship means to me. On a daily basis.
Monday, February 16, 2009
gifts...
I had a Saturday morning visit with my dad this weekend, celebrating his birthday. It was a short visit, as we were on the way to my son's basketball tournament, but it was a good visit. Having severe dimentia, there probably isn't anything from Saturday that my dad will remember. But for myself, and for my sister, those visits are such gifts. We joked, brought him a gift, had the other residents sing Happy Birthday. In the mornings, he is so much better. So alert, and relaxed. I very rarely get to see him at that time of day. Most visits are at night, when he's tired, and less tolerable. Saturday morning was amazing. I was sad to go. I wanted to chat, to play cribbage, and to look at old pictures. But I'll save that for another Saturday.
Unless you know the history with my dad, you don't understand how that type of a visit is a gift. My entire childhood and life until I was 28, he was an alcoholic, and we had no relationship. We didn't speak. We didn't hug. After his stroke, he dried out, and over the last ten years, we've bonded. We've gotten to know each other. While he has dimentia, that doesn't matter. We talk, play cards, and remember. He tells stories of the olden days. I recount what's going on in our busy lives.
So those Saturdays are gifts. Gifts with a value so high they can't be bought. Gifts I cherish, and thank God for.
Unless you know the history with my dad, you don't understand how that type of a visit is a gift. My entire childhood and life until I was 28, he was an alcoholic, and we had no relationship. We didn't speak. We didn't hug. After his stroke, he dried out, and over the last ten years, we've bonded. We've gotten to know each other. While he has dimentia, that doesn't matter. We talk, play cards, and remember. He tells stories of the olden days. I recount what's going on in our busy lives.
So those Saturdays are gifts. Gifts with a value so high they can't be bought. Gifts I cherish, and thank God for.
Monday, February 9, 2009
to be such a disappointment to so many.
to be a disappointment to someone is to me, the worst feeling. i take all that i do with great pride. to be told that i am wrong, that i've done something wrong, that i don't know what i'm doing, that i'm always causing problems, it kills me.
and what hurts is how easily people can hurt someone. as if they don't feel the pain they are inflicting. how sad, that someone should feel that they are right, that they HAVE the right, to talk to someone that way. yet they do. they all do. my children. my coworkers. my siblings. even my friends at times. and usually at the same time.
it started late yesterday afternoon. i've been crying since. i need my mom. i want my mom to come visit me. to tell me everything is going to be ok. i've been asking her to do that since she passed away. i know it's selfish of me to ask. i know there are people who need her as an angel much more than i. i know that i am Blessed. and that i just need to suck it up. but if she would just come and let me know...
i need her with me when i'm getting yelled at. when i read things others have written about me. when i get mean emails pointing out an error rather than a gentle reminder (i am human). i need her to tell me it's going to be alright. that she's here for me. i just need her. and i can't have her. God gets her now. i wish he would share.
and what hurts is how easily people can hurt someone. as if they don't feel the pain they are inflicting. how sad, that someone should feel that they are right, that they HAVE the right, to talk to someone that way. yet they do. they all do. my children. my coworkers. my siblings. even my friends at times. and usually at the same time.
it started late yesterday afternoon. i've been crying since. i need my mom. i want my mom to come visit me. to tell me everything is going to be ok. i've been asking her to do that since she passed away. i know it's selfish of me to ask. i know there are people who need her as an angel much more than i. i know that i am Blessed. and that i just need to suck it up. but if she would just come and let me know...
i need her with me when i'm getting yelled at. when i read things others have written about me. when i get mean emails pointing out an error rather than a gentle reminder (i am human). i need her to tell me it's going to be alright. that she's here for me. i just need her. and i can't have her. God gets her now. i wish he would share.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
THAT teacher.....
Twice this week, teachers have been in my thoughts. The first, in a sad way. I opened the paper this week to find that one of my third grade teachers had passed away - at a very young age. She was one of those "warm" people. Caring, loving. Inspired teacher. You just knew when you were around her that she loved you... It's been strange reminiscing about her. One of those things you don't do often. Not often enough.
The second time came this morning, at church. I've been relishing in the fact that after 16 years of teaching Sunday School, I am finished! My youngest will not be in ss next year, as he moves to confirmation. So I won't have to teach. Or so I thought. Today I realized that I don't teach because I have to. I lOVE those kids. They refresh me. They inspire me. At their tender young ages of 3 and 4, they teach me so much. So when my 11 year old asked if he could teach WITH me next year, I jumped at the chance. I realized today. I am going to be "that" teacher - at age 70 - that every kid had in Sunday school. And I couldn't think of a better legacy. :-)
The second time came this morning, at church. I've been relishing in the fact that after 16 years of teaching Sunday School, I am finished! My youngest will not be in ss next year, as he moves to confirmation. So I won't have to teach. Or so I thought. Today I realized that I don't teach because I have to. I lOVE those kids. They refresh me. They inspire me. At their tender young ages of 3 and 4, they teach me so much. So when my 11 year old asked if he could teach WITH me next year, I jumped at the chance. I realized today. I am going to be "that" teacher - at age 70 - that every kid had in Sunday school. And I couldn't think of a better legacy. :-)
Friday, January 23, 2009
raising a bachelor
I realized something yesterday, as I watched my 11 year old son (now taller than me), standing at the stove making himself a grilled cheese sandwich. In all of my "life teachings" that I strive to do, I'm succeeding. My son will be a successful bachelor. He can warm up chef boyardee, and he can make a grilled cheese sandwich.
It scared me. As I watched him, he became a grown man in front of my eyes. Independent, and capable. Not needing me. While I'm so proud to see the amazing young man he's becoming, it saddens me deeply to know that the little boy is gone forever.
There are many times I see this grown man show up. When he's standing in front of church collecting the offering. When I come home from a long day at work and he greets me at the door with "how was your day". When he makes himself a grilled cheese sandwich. My grown man son. My bachelor.
For now at least, a bachelor to be. I have a few years yet!
It scared me. As I watched him, he became a grown man in front of my eyes. Independent, and capable. Not needing me. While I'm so proud to see the amazing young man he's becoming, it saddens me deeply to know that the little boy is gone forever.
There are many times I see this grown man show up. When he's standing in front of church collecting the offering. When I come home from a long day at work and he greets me at the door with "how was your day". When he makes himself a grilled cheese sandwich. My grown man son. My bachelor.
For now at least, a bachelor to be. I have a few years yet!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
On having a daughter
As a woman, having a daughter is possibly the most amazing, rewarding, difficult, challenging, and Blessed thing I have in my life. As she becomes a woman, we do have trials - of independence, co-dependence, and differing opinions. There are times when I feel frustrated, maybe because she's not confided something in me, maybe because we're not talking as much as I'd like.
But then there are THOSE days, when we sneak off to town for a mini shopping trip, just the two of us, and we chat the entire way. Or when I'm home late because of a meeting and I come home to a clean kitchen counter, because she knows just how much that improves my entry back into home life.
And then there is last night.
Last night was my first night of class as a grad student. She'd asked me all weekend as I studied how I was doing. And during break in the middle of class last night I had a message from her "just saying hi, just seeing how your class is going".
I've found that I'm not only raising a daughter, but a best friend. And a good person. A caring, loving, Christian woman. A woman who means the world to me. A woman who will continue to do great things in this world.
How Blessed am I!
But then there are THOSE days, when we sneak off to town for a mini shopping trip, just the two of us, and we chat the entire way. Or when I'm home late because of a meeting and I come home to a clean kitchen counter, because she knows just how much that improves my entry back into home life.
And then there is last night.
Last night was my first night of class as a grad student. She'd asked me all weekend as I studied how I was doing. And during break in the middle of class last night I had a message from her "just saying hi, just seeing how your class is going".
I've found that I'm not only raising a daughter, but a best friend. And a good person. A caring, loving, Christian woman. A woman who means the world to me. A woman who will continue to do great things in this world.
How Blessed am I!
Monday, January 12, 2009
so little time these days....
Starting the new year is always a great chance to step back and see where the past year took you, what you want to change, and where you want to be in the end of the new. I am starting 2009 with going back to school, which I'm finding is straining my free time a bit. But I love to learn, so I'm diving in head first. Tonight is my first class, and I may find out that I'm entirely too in depth in my study of the chapter. I just don't want to be unprepared.
The difficult part of this is that I don't want to take away from my family at all. Luckily, I will be able to do my studies online, whenever I want. But this first week I want to meet my profs, get a feel for the classes, and make sure I'm on the right track. With a meeting tomorrow night - that means Thursday is the first night I'll actually be home after work. I'm spending my nights cooking dinners so that I have leftovers to pack for here. Packing lunch AND dinner gets a wee bit challenging and I really don't want to start eating out. The cost, and health factor of that just doesn't make it logical.
So I'm trying to find my new "pattern". Of getting the house clean, of cooking, managing to stay active with the kids, and getting my school and work work done. I actually feel like I'm getting back to my old self. First time since losing mom in 2006. It's been a looooong haul.
Here's to fresh starts.. May we all keep our heads above water and our focus in the right direction!
The difficult part of this is that I don't want to take away from my family at all. Luckily, I will be able to do my studies online, whenever I want. But this first week I want to meet my profs, get a feel for the classes, and make sure I'm on the right track. With a meeting tomorrow night - that means Thursday is the first night I'll actually be home after work. I'm spending my nights cooking dinners so that I have leftovers to pack for here. Packing lunch AND dinner gets a wee bit challenging and I really don't want to start eating out. The cost, and health factor of that just doesn't make it logical.
So I'm trying to find my new "pattern". Of getting the house clean, of cooking, managing to stay active with the kids, and getting my school and work work done. I actually feel like I'm getting back to my old self. First time since losing mom in 2006. It's been a looooong haul.
Here's to fresh starts.. May we all keep our heads above water and our focus in the right direction!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
To the new year!
I had full intention of writing this last weekend. Actually took an extra day off of work which gave me a four day weekend. My "productive" weekend turned into days of Wii, living in my jammies, and scrapbooking. All with good coffee of course. So while it was not productive, it was healing, and a wonderful way to bring in the new year.
I love the fact that I am going into 2009 in a good place. I have so much to look forward to. My first graduate classes start on 1/12 (Ok, that is only a week away!), my dad is in a wonderful care facility and doing beautifully, my dd and I are going on a whirlwind trip of Washington DC over spring break, and we have lots of fun plans already in place for time with friends and family.
I have been working on my health. Last weekend not so much, but you have to have a weekend like that some time. I am thrilled that I feel in control of my choices, in most aspects of my life. So here's my toast to 2009! A great friend told me "2009 is mine". And we really have committed to taking back our lives this year. Stopping to smell the roses. Enjoying those we love. I hope we maintain that committment.....
I am surrounded by SO many amazing friends and family. I cannot tell you here how Blessed I am. I am continually amazed at that aspect of my life. God is such a good God. No matter what trials we go through, it is always for a reason. And I once read a quote that every time you suffer something difficult, and are torn to bits, the you that you become when you put the pieces back together is even better than before. And I truly believe that. Each time I have a difficult time, I come out stronger, surrounded by yet more amazing people.
Really looking forward to 2009, and the challenges, and Blessings God has in store!
I love the fact that I am going into 2009 in a good place. I have so much to look forward to. My first graduate classes start on 1/12 (Ok, that is only a week away!), my dad is in a wonderful care facility and doing beautifully, my dd and I are going on a whirlwind trip of Washington DC over spring break, and we have lots of fun plans already in place for time with friends and family.
I have been working on my health. Last weekend not so much, but you have to have a weekend like that some time. I am thrilled that I feel in control of my choices, in most aspects of my life. So here's my toast to 2009! A great friend told me "2009 is mine". And we really have committed to taking back our lives this year. Stopping to smell the roses. Enjoying those we love. I hope we maintain that committment.....
I am surrounded by SO many amazing friends and family. I cannot tell you here how Blessed I am. I am continually amazed at that aspect of my life. God is such a good God. No matter what trials we go through, it is always for a reason. And I once read a quote that every time you suffer something difficult, and are torn to bits, the you that you become when you put the pieces back together is even better than before. And I truly believe that. Each time I have a difficult time, I come out stronger, surrounded by yet more amazing people.
Really looking forward to 2009, and the challenges, and Blessings God has in store!
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