to be a disappointment to someone is to me, the worst feeling. i take all that i do with great pride. to be told that i am wrong, that i've done something wrong, that i don't know what i'm doing, that i'm always causing problems, it kills me.
and what hurts is how easily people can hurt someone. as if they don't feel the pain they are inflicting. how sad, that someone should feel that they are right, that they HAVE the right, to talk to someone that way. yet they do. they all do. my children. my coworkers. my siblings. even my friends at times. and usually at the same time.
it started late yesterday afternoon. i've been crying since. i need my mom. i want my mom to come visit me. to tell me everything is going to be ok. i've been asking her to do that since she passed away. i know it's selfish of me to ask. i know there are people who need her as an angel much more than i. i know that i am Blessed. and that i just need to suck it up. but if she would just come and let me know...
i need her with me when i'm getting yelled at. when i read things others have written about me. when i get mean emails pointing out an error rather than a gentle reminder (i am human). i need her to tell me it's going to be alright. that she's here for me. i just need her. and i can't have her. God gets her now. i wish he would share.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear you have been feeling this way. I want you to know that every single time I've seen you a smile comes to my face. In fact, thinking of you right now makes me smile. Praying these dark skies pass quickly.
Sorry to hear you are down. Sounds like you need a trip to Nebraska!!! Keeping you in my prayers.
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