Birthday month - day four - the daughter

Day four - Melissa the daughter

Not sure what brings me to this melancholy topic. Life has been a little crazy of late, so maybe I'm missing my mom just a little bit more right now. I lost my mom 6 years ago this May. I was only 36. And while my dad is still alive, he has severe dimentia and doesn't even know me many times I go and visit. So in all honesty, I am no longer a daughter. But I was once.

I had an amazing relationship with my mom. The youngest of six, the other children all much older, much of my childhood I was the only child at home. And with my dad (an alcoholic) often drunk or sleeping, it was really just the two of us.

I hope that I was a good daughter. I know I wasn't always. But I hope in the big scheme of things, I was better than not. We used to have this Saturday morning tradition. We'd start out with breakfast at Hardees, then get the groceries. For whatever reason, we always had to check everything off the list as we put it away to make sure it was rung correctly.

And we spent a ton of time at the park. It was our place to get away when dad got bad. We'd sit, sometimes feed the ducks, and just talk. I wish I could remember those conversations right now. I wish I could relive them, so that I could have a moment with her.

Even though my mom was older she was always there for me. She never let me down. She was amazing.

After college, my daughter and I moved back and lived with them for about a year - until we moved in with my husband. Then while I was back to being her daughter, I got to see her with MY daughter - being an amazing grandmother.

As mom aged, and her health deteriorated, I was able to take care of her. There were times that I was angry about being the only one helping. There were times I resented having to get the groceries, take them to appointments, etc. But I can tell you one thing. I was back here for 14 years, taking care of her, and I wouldn't give ONE MINUTE of that back.

I miss her every day. And I am so grateful to have been her daughter.

Melissa the daughter