signs

April 24th, 2008. My 38th birthday. Happy Birthday to me!



Strange day. Started at 4:30 am. My inlaws (who, after some not so great years have become such an amazing Blessing in my life!), took our family out for breakfast before work/school, to celbrate my DH's and my birthdays. We had a great breakfast. Fun way to start the day.

Had meetings literally from 7-12 (every other thur - the curse of middle management), all of which also included my boss, and three of my peer managers (all men). Not sure how I ended up having THAT for a birthday - but they've teased me all day.

I got many well wishes from coworkers and friends, nice day to be thought of.

But I'm in a horrible low in my life right now, ridiculously emotional. Not such a joyous time in my life right now, so I'm really not into celebrating.



I took a big muffin to my dad's at lunch. We had cheddarwurst and peas, sitting at the kitchen table chatting. He felt bad he didn't know it was my birthday. (He doesn't know what he's said 5 minutes before, or even the fact that my mother has been gone two years. Cracked me up that he felt bad.) It was a nice lunch. Of course the main thing missing was my mom. It was two years ago today that I took her to the hospital, and she never made it home. So each year it's hard. I miss her as much today as I did then.



It is raining today. I went to the park on the way back to work, parked where mom and I used to go to talk. I think the rain is her. I think she wants me to know that she misses me too. I can't believe how much I still miss her. I would give anything just to be able to chat. To tell her about what's going on. To tell her the goofy William stories. To show her pictures of Allie in her prom dress. At the park I told mom how I wished she was here, how I wished I could see her...



Luckily I have an office with a door. I got back from lunch and had a gift from one of my workers - which included a candle called "angel wings". This woman doesn't know my mom's angel beliefs. She has no idea.



So the best birthday gift of all? The rain and the candle - my two gifts from mom.