time for a coach

 So 2020 was a thing. We all know that. And amidst a world pandemic, I realized that it was time to invest in myself. Literally invest. So in early fall, I hired an amazing wellness coach. Someone to guide me through the emotional and physical challenges I was facing. Someone to teach me all that I needed to know - to make all in my life right. I had so many goals: weight loss, eating better, exercising more, blogging more, sleeping better, reducing the swelling in my legs, run a 5K, write a cookbook, the list goes on. (I literally have PAGES of goals for my 2021 vision board.)

My wellness coach is amazing. My timing, not so much. It was fall of 2020. We were in the middle of a world wide pandemic. My daughter was getting married. And we were heading into a Wisconsin winter. Not the most opportune time to try to take on all of your demons. But we started. And I have journals and journals from those first months as I tried to work my way through my thoughts. And while I had valiant ideas, the BEST of intentions, the timing was just not right. 

So I muddled through a surgery, a wedding, the holidays, and the new year. And just like that, 2020 was over and I hadn't really changed a thing. I'd done a two week clean eating. I'd made sure I got my steps in. I'd answered all the journaling prompts. But in all honesty I hadn't changed a thing. Not really. 

And my amazing coach realized this. So last month she changed her tactics. We were going to break down some of my goals - and focus on really small parts in a two week time frame. I realized that for me, truly committing to exercising was critical, so my first goal was 15 minutes of deliberate exercise 5 days/week, on top of anything I get while at work. This was much more mental than physical. I needed to commit to changing my lifestyle. 

What happened in those two weeks surprised me. I made my goal. No week went by without at least 5 days of deliberate exercise. And not just 15 minutes. Most nights I went 25 or more. But not even that is the most surprising. 

Much of my exercise was simply walking. Walking our country roads. But there is something that most don't know about me. Inside, I crave running. Only my body doesn't allow that. So in these last two weeks, I started adding a little running. Just a minute here and there, but I was able to run, and it felt amazing. The day after the first time I was so worried, but I felt fine! So I continued. 

Here is the funny. I am fat. I am an UGLY runner. But I have a LONG driveway. So I run, are you ready? I run, after dark, up and down my 1/4 mile driveway. But I don't CARE! Because I am RUNNING. Even though so little, this is a huge moment for me. 

Tonight I went for a 30 minute walk, and ran 3 1-minute segments. And tonight, with my wellness coach, I decided that the 5K thing can happen. In all of the mess that is my mind right now, I can do this. I can control this. So I am taking this running thing on 1 minute at a time. 

I added a healthy cooking goal for this two weeks, and a daily journal goal, journaling about losing mom as I am coming up on the 15 year anniversary. 

My wellness coach knows I have a love for writing. It was her suggestion that take to my blog to share my successes and my failures. The ups and downs. Because there are both. I can tell you that. For now, I am riding this UP. I am beginning to work towards my goal. 

"Intention"

Intention.

My word of the year for 2021.

I have never chosen a word of the year before. I have seen it done, but never felt moved to do it myself. 

But 2020 taught us all a lot. I turned 50, and through all we went through in 2020, I realized that over half of my life is gone. I have rushed through the first 50 years. So now it is time to slow down. 

And to live with intention. 

So what exactly does that mean?

To me, it means living with balance, doing things that bring me joy. 

So then what brings me joy? 

I spent some time this new year's weekend thinking about what actually brings me joy. 

Spending time outside - walking, snow shoeing, gardening, campfires, bird watching. 

Photography - love taking and sharing my photos

Culinary - love all things culinary, from enjoying amazing food and drink, to trying new recipes and techniques. I am most happy when cooking and baking for others. And I love setting a pretty plate/table, even if it is for one. 

Reading

My winter stack!

Music

Splurged on a ton of vintage vinyl to take us through 2021.

Coffee

Cozy socks, afghans, and shawls. 

This is what I have come up with. I am sure the list will continue to grow. I have spent this first weekend of 2021 focusing on these things. My goal now is to continue for the rest of this trip around the sun!

A peek at my morning on the ranch.

 I so love our little ranch. And as an empty nester, I love the time that I have to truly embrace all that this beautiful place has. 

This morning I was up at 4:43, so not only did I get to see the sunrise, I got to enjoy the many morning visitors. 

Enjoy this peek into a late summer morning at #tinroofrustedranch. 

Life check 2020

So I am pretty sure you all will agree that 2020 has been a helluva ride. Like being on a rickety old wooden roller coaster in the dark, constantly feeling as if the whole thing will come crashing down, and you can't see the end. 

My 2020 has been like many of yours, full of disappointment, frustration, sadness, and questions. Cancelled graduations, absent funerals, moving my daughter's wedding, missed birthday parties, and the lack of social interaction that I thrive on was all missing.

Hopefully you have also seen some upside to this crazy year. Having been partially furloughed, I found myself with so much time at home this spring. My love of gardening flourished, and my yard and gardens look amazing. We finished some home projects. I went outside my box and created a 50 by 50 list Covid style to do before my 50th birthday, which happened during quarantine (that is a whole blog initself). We took time to write letters, to FaceTime friends, and to call "just to check in."

So among the challenges, we have found some victories, right?

Now we find ourselves almost to September. I, for one, thought we would be back to normal. But instead we find ourselves a nation divided. Struggling with racism, political divide, and pandemic challenges, we find ourselves intolerant of each other, having lost our sense of empathy. We see our cities in chaos, being looted and destroyed. We see people being killed and futures taken away. I see friends no longer friends. Unable to agree to disagree, unable to accept and embrace our differences, and unable to live side by side as humans. 

I, for one, am not ok with this. We are better than this. Human beings are capable of so much more. I refuse to listen to people giving up to this new normal.  I refuse to let this angry, negative society change my love for people. Call me naive, but I truly feel that people are inherently good. The evil that has divided us does not need to win. We can take it back. We can spread love instead of hate. We can help each other, and lift each other up instead of tearing each other down.  

Let's continue to build on those victories of 2020. Let's put our differences aside and try to make this place we live a better place. Instead of spewing hate, and nasty messages on social media, let's bring it back to what it can be, a place to share our lives, and celebrate them. Remember quarantine, when we rediscovered board games, and puzzles, and family time? We need to get back there.

Take time to enjoy nature if it is available to you. Take time to enjoy your friends and family. Take time, as they say, to smell the roses. If you look, really look,  this world has so much to offer. And if we focus on the positive, maybe we can make a difference. 

So I challenge all of us. As we approach the last trimester of this year we call 2020, let us all try to be the change. No matter how small. It all adds up. #bethechange

Don't let 2020 win.

Life at #tinroofrustedranch 6 months in.

So we have named our new home Tin Roof Rusted Ranch. It's a long and very "us" story.

When my hubby and I first moved in together, we did the ceremonial combining of our lives. We are VERY different people. About as opposite as they come. He rides motorcycles, four wheelers, and snowmobiles, and listens to hard classic rock. I play the violin and love art and literature.

But you know what they say.... OPPOSITES ATTRACT.

But as opposite as we are, when we combined our music libraries, there was one CD we both had. That's right. Among his ACDC and Metallica, there was one little CD. And that CD's twin was hidden among my Mozart, and Mannheim Steamroller and James Taylor.

The B52's Cosmic Thing.
Seriously.

How we both had that CD, I have no idea. But 25 years later, we still giggle about it.

When we bought the new place, our new homestead, we knew we wanted to name it. When we went out west a couple years ago we loved reading all of the names on the ranch. So we needed a name. And nothing seemed right.

And then one day he texted me.

"tin roof rusted ranch"

I replied "YES" and the rest is history.

We are loving the place, all of the great things to come. The story has just begun.

Much love from #tinroofrustedranch

stay tuned!

#thebigmove2018

After 23 years in our home, my husband and I are MOVING!

Call it a mid-life crisis if you will (it so is!), but with a new job last fall, a newly empty nest, and now moving, we are ALL upside down!

It is a crazy, emotional, exciting, and scary time. So many changes, so much to do. And so much to look forward to!

The decision to move is not a new one, but it is happening much quicker than we anticipated. But when you find THE ONE, you move on it. And into it. It is becoming a kind of romanticized vision in my head. I look at the pictures, imagine our next stage of life there. I see our family gathering there. I see us entertaining friends. I simply cannot wait.

And then I come back to reality, and the task in front of us. Gardens to be cleaned up and mulched, minor house repairs needed, and of course sorting, purging, and packing 23 years of STUFF. So I am sure there will be many, many more posts as we head into this process. Any suggestions? Happy to listen!!!

So we are in the "use it so we don't have to move it" mode. I am cooking from the pantry and freezer (my own version of Chopped!), and even enjoying different cocktails as we use up odds and ends from the liquor cabinet. Tonight I made my signature King Cake Mule, using up the last of my King Cake Vodka (a good reason to go back to NOLA!)

So here it is on this Friday night - my Cheers to #thebigmove2018

WISH ME LUCK!

the sounds of giving....and of JOY

I work in a volunteer services office. I literally work with 500 people who WANT to be there. Who LOVE what they do, and do so simply TO GIVE BACK. That, in itself, is amazing.

So many days, I am just amazed at the amount of giving this group of people do. They don't think twice about helping. They pick up extra shifts, extra hours. And many give outside of the hospital too. It's just who they are.

So to say the atmosphere in my office is awesome, is somewhat of an understatement. Oh, we have our days, but the bottom line is this - the people I am surrounded by 8 hours a day want nothing more than to give back, and to make the world a better place.

You get it, right?

So this afternoon my boss was gone. It's volunteer appreciation month, and we have treats all month long in the office as a thank you. This afternoon the office was like grand central station.

I had three teens in doing extra hours for us, working to improve one of our service areas. They sat in the back work room sorting magazines, chatting, laughing, and working.

As the afternoon shifts arrived, there was much camaraderie outside my office as they tried cookies (fresh baked - still warm!), and chatted.

I had several parents bring in paperwork, a couple of volunteers dropping off logs, and a child life staff member come in to discuss a new project. It was constant chatter, and people in and out, and all of it filled with excitement, and joy!

As I sat there listening to the hustle and bustle of the office, and the honest-to-goodness JOY coming from these people I am surrounded by, I was taken aback by how unbelievably Blessed I am to be in this stage of my life.

just a number?

One of my favorite parts of the new year is filling out my planner. I am an old-school paper and pen planner. And I love taking time to fill it out each January, putting in vacations, birthdays, holidays, etc. There is something deeply satisfying about laying out your year in advance. This from the woman who plans weekly menus, schedules housekeeping by evening, etc. I am kind of a planner.

So early in January on a quiet Sunday afternoon, I sat down with my planner.

But when I got to a certain day, I stopped.

I guess I wasn't ready. Or in my head, I wasn't there. But there it lay in front of me. Like a flashing
caution light.

Yep. That's me.

This year I turn 48 years old. When I wrote that down, I missed a breath. Honestly. It took me by surprise. I know that sounds like a cliché. But it literally made me miss a breath.

I just don't see my self as 48 years old. In that moment, I felt so old. 48 felt old. I started to think about how much of my life might be left. I thought about all that I still want to do. Had I wasted my life? How was it I was almost a half century old? I started to think about where I was at in life, my family, our home, our kids. I was having a very hard time getting my head around that NUMBER.

And of course it is JUST a number. Some people are old 48, some are young. I am not sure where I fall. I would hope on the young side. I tried letting my hair go gray a year ago, but couldn't do it. I enjoy hanging with my kids, I love hiking and traveling.

But my husband and I also love just staying home. We do early Friday night fish fry dinners with old fashions and  friends. We play cribbage.

So am I a young 48? Or OLD?

I guess seeing that number triggered some "mid life crisis" mentality in me. As I went through the week, and the week that followed, I found myself thinking about that number. Rationalizing. 47 doesn't sound so bad, so why is 48? I have never been bothered by birthdays. Not 30, not 40, not even 45. But for whatever reason, THIS one is getting to me.

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was the 25 year old blushing bride. And now my daughter is almost 26 and thinking about a wedding. It seems like I was just at my ten year high school reunion, and here we are planning our thirtieth...

So I am learning to embrace this number. I am doing more to take care of myself. I say "no" more often. I get enough sleep. I try not to push myself too hard. I take all of life's gifts for what they are - gifts.

So here's a toast. I am raising my glass. To receiving my 48th birthday as a gift. Another year.

Embracing my new stage of life...

I have found myself lately in a new stage of life. Closer and closer to a true empty nester, with grown children. And a "retirement" stage job that allows me less stress. And less financial stress. And fewer social requirements. And with this new normal, I find myself really paying attention to the world around me, appreciating all of life's beauty.

I am four months into my new career, and I still love it. I work forty hours a week, work with amazing volunteers of all ages that are the most giving people I have ever met, and am challenged every single day. It is ridiculously fulfilling. And I can see myself working there for the rest of my professional career. It has been such a blessing!

The hubby and I have been trying to figure out where we want to be. Where we want to retire. We have looked at land, and at houses, and at fixer-uppers. But we have realized that in all that we have seen, we are giving up some of what we both want in our final home. So we have settled on staying here for a while longer. So I am going to downsize the "things" we have, freshen up some paint, and focus on creating a beautiful space here.

I am not sure how I feel. The idea of a new place is exciting! But I also LOVE this home we have created over the last 23 years. We have made it our own. The tree from when my mom died, all of the flowers from my mom's house that I transplanted, my fun herb garden border, my coffee bar... there are so many pieces I love here. Of course it is far from perfect. A TINY kitchen, no master bath, small bedrooms. But I really think that it is enough for us. So I think staying is the best answer for now. We can move when we are both retired. When we don't have ties here. When hopefully there are grandchildren to live near.

So with no rush to sell this house, and only working 40 hours a week, and no sports or school events to go to, I have come to a weird sense of empty nest balance. I have dinner with friends. I go window shopping with no intent to purchase anything more than an idea. I am redecorating the house. I am cooking amazing foods for my husband and I, making sure we are eating balanced meals and even packing lunches. And I am already dreaming of gardening season.

People can say what they want about getting older. But I am genuinely loving every bit. I love my new sense of independence. I love the freedom, to meet friends for dinner and drinks, to take a weekend to see my daughter, to play a quick game of cribbage with my husband after work, or to walk every aisle of my favorite store with no purpose. I literally go to work looking forward to my day. I take in each sunrise, bask in the crispness of the winter air, and marvel at all the beauty around me. I am thankful for every single day.

And I am ready to embrace the next stages as they come. This amazing life God has gifted me with has been more of a Blessing than I ever thought I would have.

the curse....of my early rising self

I very rarely sleep in. Not because I set an alarm and force myself to, but because after about 6 or 7 hours, if I am woken by anything, ever so slight, I am up.

I have learned to embrace this curse as of late, enjoying my mornings. Spending time reading, stretching, enjoying my coffee, and waking with the world. It really is a gift - the quiet of the sleeping household.

Today was no different. As my husband left for work and kissed me goodbye, I knew my day had begun. So I have read several chapters in my current novel, and am close to finishing my first pot of coffee. I have printed a few recipes to try and have all of my supplies pulled for a couple of Christmas decorating pinterest ideas I wanted to try. (Future blog I am sure - pinterest success or pinterest fail - no one knows!)

So both days this weekend, when I had NO plans, I did not sleep in until daylight, I didn't lounge in bed like they do in the movies. No breakfast or coffee in bed. I am up, and embracing the day, like I do most days.

Such is the curse.

Thanksgiving Blessings

I cannot believe it is already the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

And I am sure I am not alone.

But really?

It was a weird thanksgiving. No big gathering. Didn't have to clean house, didn't have to get all the good dishes out. I cooked dinner for seven people, at supper time, at my father-in-laws. It was more like Sunday dinner than Thanksgiving. I guess it's to be sometimes. With my hubby working swing shift, and the kids each grown, some holidays will fall through the cracks. I survived (thank goodness for spiked coffee and the Macy's parade!).

The new job is going SO well. It's such a breath of fresh air to be working with such positive people. The volunteers, the rest of my department. All such good, good people. I love the energy there. And I love that we really get to make a difference EVERY DAY. This job is such a Blessing!

I am really looking forward to this weekend. To a low-key, at home weekend. Have soup in the crock pot, will do something with the turkey leftovers for dinner, and am hoping to deep clean the house today so I can decorate for Christmas tomorrow. Also have a couple of fun crafty things I want to play with (after I dig out the Christmas deco). So it's going to be a fun weekend!

I am so happy to have balance back. Working hard every day, but having my life back. It's amazing. I have gotten a couple of redecorating projects done. I've been taking time to spend with friends. The hubby and I are loving life as almost empty nesters - going to the movies, taking spontaneous weekends away. We had a great vacation in South Carolina with our best friends..

My new outlook on life is heading into each day trying to find someone to Bless. Someone who I can do something nice for. Be it helping at work, opening a door, baking or cooking, whatever it is. There is a lot of junk out there in the world. It's becoming a dark, scary place. And when I asked myself what I can do to make things better, I realized we all have so many chances, every single day. We can start a ripple of good.

So I do. I try to spread happiness and love. I try to help those in need. Because it's what I can do.

So life is good. Life is Blessed. God has been so good to us. Loving this adventure called life.

And a new chapter begins...

Crazy to be saying this, but I am truly hoping that tomorrow marks the start of my last chapter of my professional career. And by that, I mean, that I truly hope that this new adventure for me will take me through the next fifteen years, until I can retire.

Ever since leaving my management position in 2011, I have been floating. Trying to find my new direction, figure out where I am supposed to be. I have tried being my own boss (which I have decided is really not for me), I was able to stay home for a year to just be "retired" (which I loved, but am too young to consider for the next 30+ years), I sub-taught (which I loved, but cannot do for the rest of my life), and everything in between, just never finding what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

And then, I got a message from a friend...

This friend is someone who has known me professionally for many years, and on a personal level as well. She asked if I would be interested in a temp position at our hospital as it transitioned ownership. It sounded like a great reason to get out and be professional for a few months, and I was hired.

I was a "utility" person, working wherever was needed. While there, I worked in two offices, one of them managed by an amazing force of a manager who I loved working for. She is one of those managers who is SO good at reading people, finding their strengths, and utilizing them. You leave her office feeling accomplished, and appreciated. You look forward to working there.

Fast forward a couple of months after I was done with the temp job, and a job opened up, for the amazing manager. Two phone interviews, and one in-person interview later, and here we are. Tomorrow morning I am no longer a stay-at-home wife. I am back to a full time employed person. In a position working with volunteers. In a feel-good job, with an amazing manager, in a place I adored working as a temp. Yep. Quite honestly my dream job. I could not be more excited. I really see myself working this position for the next nineteen years.

I have always said that God puts you where you need to be. And when I first left my management career, I had no idea it would be so I could be a sub teacher for my friend with a brain injury when she could no longer teach. And who knew that this temp position would be my opportunity to get a foot in the door with an awesome job.

I am so very thankful for this opportunity. I cannot wait to dig in. To do amazing things. To fill a niche.

Time to turn the page on a new chapter!

patience

I am trying to be patient. I am waiting for a call on a job. A job that I think could be the perfect job to take me right through to retirement. It fits my salary needs, location, and offers me a chance to be fulfilled while making a difference.

But they haven't called.
"
I think I am perfect for the job. My skill set, my interpersonal skills, my passion, my experience... Everything that makes up my frame of reference has prepared me for this position.

But I don't know who else applied. And I am waiting. I am trying so very hard to maintain my patience, and not be pre-occupied with it. But it is getting harder. It's been over a week since my final interview.

I have had an anxious week. Waiting for the call. Emotional.

But out of the blue, I got a message from a former student, someone I had not heard from in over a year.

"I don't know why, but I felt the Lord saying pray for you today. I hope all is well."

God needed to remind me that He's got this. I forget to let my worries go, to give my anxiety up to the Lord. He is taking care of me. And He will provide what I need, whether or not that is what I THINK I need.

Love His little reminders....

One of our hidden gems...

I live in a very small town, on the edge of a small town. I kid you not. But the town we are bordering has a gem in it's center, and I feel the need to shout it from the mountains! 

I was born and raised in Marshfield, living in Nebraska for my college years, and then returning to Central WI as an adult. I have lived in a small town about 15 miles away for the last 20+ years, and for much of my adult life, I have worked in Marshfield as well, putting me there at least 5 days a week. One of the gems in Marshfield is the Wildwood Park and Zoo, a free attraction that I think many people take for granted.

Growing up, the park was a very special place for my mom and I, so going there always brings back good memories for me. 

Aside from a beautiful park full of shelters, playgrounds, and ponds, there is a zoo with so much to offer. One of the newest additions is the Kodiak Bear exhibit, one of only a few in the country.

I have watched the zoo change and improve for so many years, and yesterday I had an afternoon to myself, so I took the chance to check it out. And I was so happy to see even MORE change. Better exhibits, educational tools, new landscaping...so many beautiful things. A beautiful bird exhibit, wild cats, wolves, elk, buffalo, deer, and mountain sheep. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. 

One of my favorite things is the fun new walk INTO the zoo, filled with tracks! It's these little touches that really make the zoo special and fun for families. 

HOW CUTE IS THIS? 

So here is my plug. If ever you find yourself in Central Wisconsin, please, please find time to add Wildwood Park and Zoo in Marshfield to your agenda. You won't be disappointed. 

https://www.facebook.com/wildwoodzoo

My message to you.......... fill your soul!

I have known for awhile what I was really missing.

What parts of me were hurting. What was making my soul ache.

So I made a list. Life is too short to be hurting, or regretting.

crafting

writing/blogging

travel

visiting family and friends

home reno

creating recipes

read

gardening

So this is my list. These are things that fill my cup, that make me feel whole, and happy. These are the things I need to fill my life with. And I am doing them. And loving every moment.

I read a book this week! A wonderful book called The Wednesday Letters.

I am in the process of redoing our bathroom - new paint, new lights, and a new mirror. Not a major change, but a facelift. And I painted our brick wall, creating this fun coffee nook!

This spring I reclaimed one of my gardens - making my herb garden a beautiful signature in the yard. I combined my love for old things, and my love for my gardening... and it turned out so cute!

My husband and I spent a lot of time this spring bumming around Wisconsin, and are heading to South Carolina in a few weeks - a bucket destination for me.

And I am writing.... I am WRITING! I have written a recipe this week, and several blog posts. I have been journaling for the last couple of months.

I forgot how I love to write...

So this is my message to you. Don't put it off. Whatever "it" is. As Nike so proudly put it, JUST DO IT. Life is short. Opportunities are fleeting. So slow down. Do what you love. Do what fills your soul. And don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It's ok to say no to doing things you don't want to do, and it's ok to be selfish and spend time doing what you want.

FILL YOUR SOUL

Did you miss me?

Oh my goodness.
It has been... TWO YEARS.
I have missed this, more than I can express. Writing is a part of me. A part I have been ignoring for so long... but no more.

I AM BACK!

So grab your cup of coffee, and let me catch you up. It's been a crazy three years.

Spring 2014 - a family trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, ended with us getting stranded in South Haven, Mississippi, with car troubles. Little did any of us know that God was giving us a little "break" as a family before our lives would turn upside down (a few times!)

Upon returning from our trip, my elderly father took a turn for the worst, and we lost him in March of that year. He was 88 years young, and passed away very peacefully after several years of excellent care at a VA hospital near us.

In April, my husband and I decided to take a leap, follow a dream, and open a café in our small town. For over two years, I worked 70 hour weeks, pouring my love, my passion, my heart and soul, blood, sweat, and tears into cooking for thousands of people. And it was a heck of a ride! Definitely not all up, and definitely not all down. It was the hardest thing I ever tried and I am so glad I did it. Not many people can say they were able to try their dream. And I did. I learned so much, met so many amazing people... but as they say, all good things have to come to an end.

In the end, we were struggling. We live in a small town (800 people), and there were so many challenges, from getting staff, to making ends meet. I had reached a dark place, working even more hours, trying to keep the place running, when our world stopped one Saturday in April, 2016...

I will never forget that day. I was hosting a private dinner party at the café, by myself. I had just served dessert, and was cleaning in the back kitchen, when my husband walked in. I knew something was wrong.

I remember I was holding some crinkled up tin foil. (Isn't it weird what you remember?) He told me they had found his brother dead, in his apartment. At only 53... I remember dropping the tin foil, breaking down, and then realizing what we had in front of us. We had to tell my in-laws. I was able to ask one of the guests at the dinner to finish up for me (God always provides people when in need!), and we began the horrific process that included telling everyone, traveling to Kansas City to clean out his apartment, and laying him to rest.

And that was only the beginning.

My mother-in-law, who had been fighting cancer for over a year, took a turn for the worse. By the beginning of August, I was trying everything I could to keep the café open, take care of my in-laws, and somehow still be a husband and wife. One night, sitting on the couch, I broke down. And all my husband said was "I think it's time."

We both knew. Family has always been the most important thing in my life, and for 2 years I had put them on the back burner. But with my mother-in-law failing, we knew that it was time to close the café and take our lives back. Once we made the decision to close, everything went so fast. We planned on closing August 31st, not knowing how quickly my mother-in-law would deteriorate. Amidst her final week, moving her to hospice care, and her passing, I had to close the dream I was ending, literally burying my mother-in-law one day and closing the doors the next.

That fall, my husband and I took several trips - something that had also been missing for two years. We were able to see a friend's daughter married in Colorado, and see dear friends in New Orleans. Loss wasn't over though, as I would lose my Godmother later that fall, and then one of my best friends (damn cancer!) in January of this year.

Of course I still feel loss on so many sides, but I will say we made the right decision. Life is too short, and our family could not be happier. I didn't realize how much my time at the café affected everyone. So many times after closing, I would catch my husband saying "I am so glad to have you back".

I was Blessed to be able to do my dream. And Blessed to know when it's time to let it go. For the last year, I have had so much time to be with family, take care of my father-in-law, and to just breathe.

I have always been one to try to have work/life balance. I will admit that I lost then during the café. But it is back. I am working on a new full time job, one that I would like to take me through the next fifteen years, to my retirement. One where I will be able to fill a niche, and make a difference. I am loving taking care of my family, and my home.

So I am back. Just a little glitch. But I am back, and I am fierce as ever.

Time for another cup of coffee!

In a funk

I have been in a crazy negative funk lately. And it's SO not my style. I'm getting overwhelmed - too much to do, too little time, too little help. I'm sure that I'll get back on top, but right now I am just not myself.

I know some people are picking up on it. Especially those close to me. But what I honestly need right now is a bit of down time. I need to be left alone for awhile. So I can get my junk in order - get stuff DONE.

I need to focus. To write a to-do list. To delegate what can be delegated.

My only problem is I hate asking for help. Especially of my family - who should be helping without being asked. (sigh). .I know this is not a new problem. It exists in every family. Still sucks.

So enough whining. I am off to finish a to-do list and try to get focused for tomorrow. I got the house back in order this afternoon, and I am very happy about that. Tomorrow it's café work. LOTS of café work. Cuz there is lots to do.

Out of BALANCE!

I will be the first to admit that my life is horribly out of balance right now...

There are multiple days a week that I am putting in 14+ hours at the café.

But it is my dream.
I am living my dream.

And while it is a lot of work, I am loving (almost) every minute of it. I get to cook for people, make them happy. I have a ridiculous circle of loyal customers - that I love dearly - and look forward to seeing every day. I am literally living my dream. Not many people can say that.

I am ridiculously Blessed.

 

But it is a lot of work. :)

And I've completely thrown my life balance out of whack, and am just now trying to make a few lists of what needs to be done to get that balance back in check. You know the saying....the first step is admitting you have a problem. ;)

In my out-of-balance existence I do miss some very important parts of my life.

• I miss reading. BC (before the café) I read multiple books a month.... and I miss taking time to read.
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• I miss writing, blogging.
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• I missed working in my gardens. (Hopefully they will forgive me come spring!)
•  
• I missed crafting/scrapbooking.
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• I miss my yarn

It appears that I've given up the creative side of my brain (aside from the cooking creativity I get to do now), and I think it's time I start giving it some priority. My brain needs to rest. 

So there you have it. I here vow to work harder at working less and doing a few of these things that I love so dearly.

All while living that dream. Cuz that rocks.

Such a long time~

Oh my goodness it's been a long time~ so sorry!

On May 1st, we opened the gathering place, our cafe and coffee shop, and it's doing very well. We have been SO busy! Crazy fun, lots of work, but I absolutely love being there. I love the customers. I love the cooking. I just love it. It truly is a dream come true.

The first two weeks were chaos. I was at the store 16 hours a day. I was constantly trying to catch up. But we've gotten better, I'm more prepared, and we're starting to even out. I open the cafe almost every morning at 5:30, but many days like today - I can come home around 7 for a few hours, to relax, do housework, paperwork, etc.

This morning we are burying my dad.... He died months ago, and the funeral was 2 months ago, but we were unable to bury him due to rain. So today is the day. Final closure. Weird. At 44 I have no parents. But in all honesty, with dad's dimentia, I lost both when mom died 8 years ago. He was never the same. But today it's final. And it's hard to think of.

So when I got home from the cafe this morning, I took a walk through my (albeit weedy) gardens, enjoying the flowers I've received from friends, those I got from my mom, and those we've planted in their honor. With a good cup of coffee, the birds chirping...it was a beautiful way to start the day (over!).

I've not deserted you all. I will get back to blogging. I am sad that I've not blogged these last six weeks, as it's been a crazy ride. A ride I've only just begun. Thanks for hanging with me. :)

the beginning of a new journey...

Less than one month ago, we began a new journey, putting an offer in on the local cafe. That offer was accepted, and thus began the process that lead up to today.

The last three weeks have been full of meetings, setting up accounts, trying recipes, buying furniture, working with contractors, writing menus, and trying to remember to breathe. I have never done anything like this, and have gone through so many levels of emotion. Excited, scared, anxious, and hopeful, all at the same time.

Owning a cafe/coffee shop has been a dream of mine for most of my adult life... My husband and I have talked about many times. But the time wasn't right. Until now.

So today we get the keys! In less than 2 hours I will have the keys to my next journey.

I am an emotional mixed puddle of emotions. So much to do, but so much to look forward to.

And I have to give credit to the crazy amount of support we are receiving in this adventure. I cannot believe the outreaching of best wishes and support, from family, friends, and neighbors. Everywhere we go, we are met by people who are shaking our hands, and telling us they are looking forward to the new cafe.

We have a list of people coming to help as we freshen the place up, re-doing stools, painting, renovating. We have a dozen people due a the cafe at 3 today, all willing to give their time and support.

So as I sit here, taking in this last quiet moment before we load the truck and car with our supplies to head down, I am thinking of so many things - of my mom and dad, guiding me from above, cheering me on - of the amazing community we live in that has gathered around us to help us on this journey - of the current owner and staff, so incredibly helpful - of all of the unbelievable friends that have helped us with furniture, labor, and support - and lastly, of my amazing family, as without them, I would be nothing.

So here we go! Time for a new, amazing, crazy adventure - in this journey I call my life. On May 1st, I will open the doors of the gathering place, a true dream come true. Hope you all are ready for a crazy ride!

I hope you can come join us for a cup of coffee and meal sometime!