Did you miss me?

Oh my goodness.
It has been... TWO YEARS.
I have missed this, more than I can express. Writing is a part of me. A part I have been ignoring for so long... but no more.

I AM BACK!

So grab your cup of coffee, and let me catch you up. It's been a crazy three years.

Spring 2014 - a family trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, ended with us getting stranded in South Haven, Mississippi, with car troubles. Little did any of us know that God was giving us a little "break" as a family before our lives would turn upside down (a few times!)

Upon returning from our trip, my elderly father took a turn for the worst, and we lost him in March of that year. He was 88 years young, and passed away very peacefully after several years of excellent care at a VA hospital near us.

In April, my husband and I decided to take a leap, follow a dream, and open a café in our small town. For over two years, I worked 70 hour weeks, pouring my love, my passion, my heart and soul, blood, sweat, and tears into cooking for thousands of people. And it was a heck of a ride! Definitely not all up, and definitely not all down. It was the hardest thing I ever tried and I am so glad I did it. Not many people can say they were able to try their dream. And I did. I learned so much, met so many amazing people... but as they say, all good things have to come to an end.

In the end, we were struggling. We live in a small town (800 people), and there were so many challenges, from getting staff, to making ends meet. I had reached a dark place, working even more hours, trying to keep the place running, when our world stopped one Saturday in April, 2016...

I will never forget that day. I was hosting a private dinner party at the café, by myself. I had just served dessert, and was cleaning in the back kitchen, when my husband walked in. I knew something was wrong.

I remember I was holding some crinkled up tin foil. (Isn't it weird what you remember?) He told me they had found his brother dead, in his apartment. At only 53... I remember dropping the tin foil, breaking down, and then realizing what we had in front of us. We had to tell my in-laws. I was able to ask one of the guests at the dinner to finish up for me (God always provides people when in need!), and we began the horrific process that included telling everyone, traveling to Kansas City to clean out his apartment, and laying him to rest.

And that was only the beginning.

My mother-in-law, who had been fighting cancer for over a year, took a turn for the worse. By the beginning of August, I was trying everything I could to keep the café open, take care of my in-laws, and somehow still be a husband and wife. One night, sitting on the couch, I broke down. And all my husband said was "I think it's time."

We both knew. Family has always been the most important thing in my life, and for 2 years I had put them on the back burner. But with my mother-in-law failing, we knew that it was time to close the café and take our lives back. Once we made the decision to close, everything went so fast. We planned on closing August 31st, not knowing how quickly my mother-in-law would deteriorate. Amidst her final week, moving her to hospice care, and her passing, I had to close the dream I was ending, literally burying my mother-in-law one day and closing the doors the next.

That fall, my husband and I took several trips - something that had also been missing for two years. We were able to see a friend's daughter married in Colorado, and see dear friends in New Orleans. Loss wasn't over though, as I would lose my Godmother later that fall, and then one of my best friends (damn cancer!) in January of this year.

Of course I still feel loss on so many sides, but I will say we made the right decision. Life is too short, and our family could not be happier. I didn't realize how much my time at the café affected everyone. So many times after closing, I would catch my husband saying "I am so glad to have you back".

I was Blessed to be able to do my dream. And Blessed to know when it's time to let it go. For the last year, I have had so much time to be with family, take care of my father-in-law, and to just breathe.

I have always been one to try to have work/life balance. I will admit that I lost then during the café. But it is back. I am working on a new full time job, one that I would like to take me through the next fifteen years, to my retirement. One where I will be able to fill a niche, and make a difference. I am loving taking care of my family, and my home.

So I am back. Just a little glitch. But I am back, and I am fierce as ever.

Time for another cup of coffee!