my life as a crafter....

Yet another passion of mine is crafting. I'm not "that" crafter -  that can do woodwork, or paint, or anything truly talented. But I love to craft, especially taking cast-off items and making them into treasures!

And pursuing this crafting side of me has been a wonderful by-product of my new life... I have TIME to craft. Which I love. And this weekend, we are having our 2nd annual holiday bazaar, where we "closet crafters" bring our goods together for a mini craft sale in my home.

It's nothing fancy, and nothing predictable. Because we are all just folks who enjoy the process involved in crafting, and this is a chance to show them off! So I've been busy - getting the house ready, and last minute crafting. The sale starts in the morning. And I'm so excited. Excited to see what my friends have made, and excited to see others excited to buy them!

This year I made Christmas cards, stationary sets, magnets, vintage button ornaments, bird seed treats, scrabble tile coasters, cotton crocheted dishcloths, and lots of yummy treats to eat. Tomorrow I'll have the Christmas music playing, coffee and cocoa on, and yummy treats to eat for all of our holiday shoppers. I cannot wait... And I'm already thinking about next year!

the early morning quiet

Woke up this morning at 4:30, went to check the fire and it was down to coals. So I put a few logs on, and decided to sit up and tend it.

There is something about the quiet morning. Fire crackling in the fireplace the only sound. Light from the flames dancing across the room... it's just beautiful. Only thing more beautiful would be a lit up Christmas tree (which we don't have up yet).

I've always loved mornings. Don't get me wrong - I love days when I have no agenda and I get to sleep in! But I love my quiet mornings. Up before everyone else, fresh coffee brewed...and on cold winter mornings the fireplace going...

I think that in today's world, we have too much noise. There is so much chaos. Our kids are in activities taking them every which direction, and we are always on the go. We are constantly bombarded, by social media, texting, and technology.

we are missing the quiet

We don't take time to listen. To meditate. To pray.

We are constantly being over-stimulated with television, the internet, the radio, texting.

So I am putting this out there. This holiday season, I'm making a point to find my quiet. To turn off the stimulation. To breathe, and listen, and meditate, and pray. Shut down the chaos, if for only a few stolen moments while everyone else is sleeping.

I think it will be good for my soul. I know it will be good for my soul. Anyone with me?

teaching

I am falling more and  more in love with my new identity as a sub teacher. I so look forward to going in to school each day. I hope for more assignments.. And when I come home, I can't wait to tell the hubby about all that I got to teach that day. I feel much more part of the system, much more of a staff member, and am making new friends at school too.

The other day I got a call from a headhunter. Gave him my info, listened to his oppotunity, and hung up. When my hubby asked who it was, and I explained, he asked me (so matter-of-factly) "why do you keep pursuing new leads when you're SO happy doing what you're doing and you don't have to go back full time?" It was a "duh" moment - to be sure.

I'm not sure why I felt I needed to keep looking. We are fine monetarily. I am loving the part time status. I'm getting a few days a week, just perfect honestly. And I'm walking to work - we don't need another vehicle - saving on gas and insurance, etc. I walk to and from school, still getting exercise and getting healthier. Why WOULD I look for something different right now?

I get to work with kids. I get to try to help them understand things that they struggle with. I get to see that light bulb go on. When I walk into school, kids ask me who I'm subbing for - they say good morning - and ask me how I am.

I have had teachers and students alike thank me for teaching. Seriously. THANK me. How cool is that? Had students thank me for explaining (of all things) mole conversions in Chemistry. Love that I'm able to make a difference to someone. LOVE that.

What a crazy Blessing my life has turned into. CRAZY. And wonderful. Amazing. All goodness.

mama joy

Last night I got a voicemail from my daughter, currently a junior in college, and it was one of those mama joy moments, when you thank God for protecting and guiding your child...

Raising kids is TOUGH work. There is no question, and any parent will agree.

One of the hardest times is letting them go - to leave home, make their own decisions, etc. And then letting them struggle and fail....so that they learn, oh it is so hard. But it's part of what we do.

I saw at work last night that I had a missed call, and then a voicemail, so on my walk home, I listened, and it was from her. She just called to tell me that she had rocked her midterms, was working on a media kit for her PR class, and that she just wanted to let me know how confident she is in her choice - of major, of career path, and that she loves it.

wow

Seriously, how happy do you think that made me? To not only hear it, but to realize that SHE GETS it. She has found something she loves and is passionate about, and is pursuing it. and being successful. I don't know that there is a greater gift to a parent than to see/hear that.

I know that her path will have many more curves, and bumps, but I just feel that I've done something right, in that she sees how important it is to love what you are doing. Not to settle.

I am so proud of her right now. And so thankful to God, for continuing to guide and protect her while she makes these difficult decisions on her own.

Being strong in the storm

Have to love facebook. For all of it's quirky, goofy, and sometimes idiotic characteristics, it is also a place where I have reconnected with people - some of whom have again become integral parts of my life.

Today, one of those who has had a particularly trying few weeks, posted today that she is going to post something she is thankful for each day this month. And her first is being thankful for Jesus Christ. She is such an amazing woman. Over the last two years, I've seen her deal with horrible tragedy and loss, and her answer is always the same. She knows that God hands her what she needs, and what she can handle, and that He will get her through it all. And He does.

We often talk at Bible Study about how we don't know how people without Faith get through the hard times in life. Because we, as Christians, give our struggles up to God, and He gets us through. And my friend is such an example of that. Her strength is amazing. And she uses her Faith to help others also struggling.

Our East Coast right now is devastated by Sandy, and I pray for everyone out there - for strength, and patience, and that they all survive and rebuild. Our trials seem small in comparison to what they are all dealing with. I pray that they are able to turn to God to get through this. And the years to come, as the cleanup and rebuilding continues.

Saying goodbye to a wonderful man.

RIP Uncle Allen

Today brought a phone call that broke my heart. My closest uncle, my mother's brother, passed away yesterday at the nursing home where he'd resided for the last few years.

I'd like to say that I'd just seen him, had just spent time with him, but that isn't the case. The last few times I'd meant to see him, something always came up. And it was too easy to say "next time". So sadly, I hadn't seen my uncle in a long time. And I am so angry that I let myself lose that opportunity. But rather than dwell on my inadequacies...I want to talk about the amazing man that he was.

Allen Breheim was my mother's older brother. He and the love of his life never had children. So they were "that" uncle and aunt - who were always around to share holidays, and life moments. They were very much a piece of our lives growing up.

Uncle Allen was a positive, charismatic, and happy soul. He had an infectious laugh. I LOVED his laugh. And he had an unfailing Faith in Jesus Christ. Faith that set examples for so many around him. He was an incredibly giving person, always willing to help out. ALWAYS. He married the love of his life, only parting from her when she passed on first. They loved life - worked hard, and played hard - traveling all over the world together. I've never known a couple more crazy in love than them.

I honestly cannot think of a fault that he had. I say that sincerely. If my mother were alive, I'm SURE she'd have something to say - about something he did when they were growing up. But I honestly cannot think of one negative thing to say about him. NOT one.

We should all strive to be remembered like that.

To leave such a positive impact on the world around us.

I have a lot of amazing memories of my uncle, from early in my childhood on.

Growing up, we spent a lot of time with them. He and his wife had a huge garden, and I remember when we'd get the call - and mom and I would head over to help with processing. Sitting on the back deck shucking peas, pitting cherries on a board of nails he'd made for us, whatever the process was. We always did it together.

When my aunt and uncle still lived in my home town, they had an annual New Year's Day dinner. It was always a wonderful affair - with too much food, and lots of family.

There are sad memories too... I will always remember when my mother was dying. She was in a coma in CCU, and I didn't realize that my brother had called my uncle. They lived over an hour away, but had found a driver to bring them to the hospital. When I walked out of mom's room and saw his face, his grief and sadness, it broke my heart. He cared so much for everyone, that seeing his sister in that state tore him to pieces. I think it might have been the first time I've ever seen someone with a truly broken heart.

But one of the latest memories I have is of a conversation that he and I had when his wife had gotten ill. I had gone to the hospital to see her, and then stopped at the house and chatted with him before returning home. We just reminisced. About my mom, who had been gone several years. We laughed. I loved his laugh... And we cried. It was the only true one-on-one conversation I'd ever had with him, and I will cherish it, and the memory of it.

RIP Uncle Allen. I am so sorry that I didn't make those last visits... know that you have been someone I've always looked up to. I hope that some day I can make you as proud to call me family as I am to call you Uncle. See you some day again, will see you all some day.

One year later... in retrospect

October 21st, 2011, was the first day of the rest of my life. It's very hard to believe it's been a year.

On October 20th, I left a company and job that had been part of my life for much of my adult life. It was the only life I'd known, as an adult. In upper management, I was in a fast forward life style, a true type -A, trying to not only run my department there, but balance life at home with my family and friends. And I was doing it. I thought. I had a 20 minute commute to and from work, worked on average 10 hour days, and was in a high stress level for most of those 10 hours.

Making the change to staying home, and working part time, has been one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding things I've ever done. A year later, my life is so different. I've spoken about living a "new normal" before, and that could not be more true than right now.

I am working part time at a small store here in town, helping with catering. And I also sub teach. So three or four days a week, I'm working. I work shorter days, and don't take any stress of the jobs home with me. Because I work in town, gone is the 20 minute drive to and from work. We have downsized by one vehicle, and I walk everywhere I need to go here. We live in a small town, so walking is absolutely feasible. So where I used to have a 20 minute drive, I now have a 15 minute walk.Thanks to less stress and walking everywhere, I am down 41 pounds and feeling better than I have in years.

I had a huge garden this year, and canned dozens of jars of food for the winter - applesauce, grape and cranberry juices, tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, salsa, and more. I froze veggies and fruits also - filling our freezer with amazing produce to enjoy this winter. I am cooking real meals for my family, as well as for several of my friends - using fresh ingredients, making everything from scratch. I have learned to make bread from scratch. (Still a lot to learn, but I'm no longer afraid!).

I joined the LWML at church, and spend more time there. I also was able to spend some time volunteering for CMN and for our parents group through the sports at school (writing articles, feeding the kids.) I do feel I need to do more, and this morning at church felt God was talking to me about it.

Most of all, our entire family has changed. While there have been many things we've had to change - we found that most of those changes were wasteful things we didn't need. We spend less, and we have more. More time together. More quality time. We are all happier. I love being able to cook for my boys, and make sure they have real food for lunch. I love creating quality family time. I love being able to spend a day visiting my amazing daughter. I love having family holidays and events.

In the last year, I've applied for a couple of jobs, but didn't get them. I'm not sure that I at this point want to go back to work in a high stress situation. I have really enjoyed downsizing my life, simplifying, and getting back to basics.

I know there are so many who are shocked at what I "threw away" when I left my job. The money, the prestige, and the benefits. But I also threw away the stress, and am giving back to my family in ways that a working mother rarely can. For the first 6 months after leaving, I didn't work at all. And we learned to live on a lot less. I don't know that we truly want for anything. Sure, I'd have a Kindle, and a smart phone, and maybe a nicer tv and clothes. But none of those things would make me any happier than I am right now.

I don't know that I expected to be working part time when I left my job. We really didn't know what the plan was, just that it was something different. I am so Blessed to be able to do this. I've been doing a lot of introspection this last week, as the impending "anniversary" approached. Time to take stock, of what worked, and what didn't, in this last year.

Most of all, the decision to change my life, to take control of my life, brought me happiness. Happineess I had not known for several years. Gone are the days of feeling obligated. Obligated to do what others expect me to do. I am happy to report that I make decisions on my life now. Decisions that make the best sense for my family and those I love. Most importantly, I need to make sure that happiness is the motivator for all that we do.

I have ideas. Not sure where they will take me. But I have ideas. Ideas I never thought I'd have. Wish me luck. We'll see you in another year, and see where I am at. For now, I'm happy to be here.