Confessions of a woman redefined

In the last few weeks I have had a lot of time to think. I took several road trips - some solo. And those road trips took me to visits with people from various aspects of my life. My best friends from high school. A crazy group of some of my closest college buddies. My sister and nieces.

These last few years have brought so much change in my life. So when I get together with people, and we start to discuss our lives, what is going on, where we are at, I start to wonder what they think of where I'm at now. I see my life change from such a different viewpoint.

The pinnacle of these introspective visits came when talking with a dear friend from college, who is also at a crossroads. We discussed the fact that neither of us would have guessed that in our mid-forties, we'd be uncertain about the direction our lives were taking. We both have so many options. And we are both unsure of the direction we are supposed to go.

It's difficult being at a cross-roads. Especially for so long. When I left my job almost 2 years ago, abandoning the stress of type-A management life, I had no idea where I was headed. I did NOT think I would be headed into part-time work, staying home, and being a domestic. Because being a domestic - a stay-at-home mother and wife - had been my dream. The dream that was out of reach. The dream I'd stopped dreaming.

I cannot explain the joy I have in my current life. I cannot explain how it feels to garden, can, and provide for my family. To cook real food for them. To keep a beautiful yard, and a comfortable home. To have settled into our little town, walking to and from work as a part-time substitute teacher. Walking to the library, to the store.

In all of my life in management, I had told many people my only regret was not staying home with the kids. Of course they are now almost both grown, my youngest being 16. But I have realized that it's NOT too late. That the dream didn't have to die. That I can be that at home mom and wife NOW.
I do not take for granted the fact that I am able to do this now, in my 40s. After almost 20 years in industry, working long days. I am so Blessed to be able to do this. And I have to admit, I am not sorry. I do not regret where my life is at all.

There are some people who look down on me for not working full time. For leaving a "good" job in a tough economy. There are some who say I am taking things away from my family because of my lower income. That I am throwing away my education. I beg to differ. I have never been happier. I do more for my family now than I ever have. I am a better woman, wife, and mother. I play games with my kids; we have an active lifestyle.

It took me a long time to realize what makes me happy. And to realize that I deserve to be happy. And to be confident enough to DO what it takes to make me happy. I am so thankful to have gotten to this place. Of true balance. And happiness. I am so Blessed.