all in perspective

Went to visit my dad today.
A little frame of reference.

• He has severe dimentia. Has for years.
• He currently resides at the Veterans Home in King, WI, an AMAZING place that makes him feel very happy and comfortable. He is very well taken care of there, despite his dimentia.
• Some days he knows who I am, and will ask questions about my family, job, etc.
• Other times, he asks very generic questions, and I know that it is because he really has no idea who I am, and  he is just being polite.

It never gets easier. Knowing that as soon as I leave that floor, through the locking door, he has no recollection that I was even there. But the visits are for me. At 42, it's so hard not having "parents" anymore. Mom has been gone for over 6 years, and dad has had severe dimentia since. Since age 36, I've been on my own, with the help of a couple of my older sisters. It's weird, but it's my normal. I don't know anything else.

So today my DH and I went to visit dad. It's been a few months, something I'm not proud of. But as I said, he doesn't remember when I do come. But the visits are special when we're there.

Today we did a lot of chatting about Iron Belt, WI, his home town, and Hurley, Ironwood, and other areas of the UP. I got to tell him that we'd been there for a playoff game, etc. He asks a lot of the same questions over and over, and offers the same comments over and over, but it's still good to see him.

Every once in awhile, he asks about mom. And I remind him that she's gone. And he asks what happened, and I explain.

Part of today's conversation:
Dad: "I am trying to figure out where to live."
Me: "You live here now, dad."
Dad: "What is this place?"
Me:"It's the King Veteran's Home. You live here."
Dad: (Hard of hearing AND dimentia) "This is my home? (looking around, smiling, at the expansive common area). Pretty nice!"

It was so cute. He thought he was living in a big fancy house. ANd that made him happy. And when he's happy, that makes me happy, no matter how confused he may get. What matters is that he's taken care of, in a good place, happy and content. And that he is.