wondering....

I often wonder why I do some things... like write this blog? I guess it's my answer to a journal, when I need to say something. Something I feel is important, even though no one is reading it. So important to me maybe? I guess so.

Or like trying to be a friend. That sentence says SO much. One shouldn't have to TRY to be a FRIEND. And yet I do. I feel compelled to keep working at some friendships, even though so many friends tell me not to.

And tonight I got burned. By people who for the last 8 years have called themselves my friend. I've been continually burned by them, but always "went back". Wondered if I was making more of something, if I was over reacting. But tonight I got my answer.

And it is amazing to me that people can be so blatantly mean to someone. Mean girls - live - and in 40-something adults. How sad. I am so thankful to have a strong circle of Christian women in my life. People who truly live their lives like Christians. It is they I need to lean on. They don't ask questions. They would never hurt me.

While I am very very very sad for what happened tonight - that they could hurt me like they did - I feel free. I don't have to bother trying anymore. I can continue to be friends with people who accept and love me for who I am. Life is too short to waste it on people who don't love you. TOO short.