These last 7 days have been such a whirlwind. I'm afraid if I don't take time to write, I will forget so much. So bear with me as I pour out some details of what has been happening...
Thursday 10/9 we took Dad to King. By 10/10 he was moved to a high security floor, sedated, and we'd been asked if they could restrain him. 10/11 the nurse called to tell me he'd not been doing well. My sister had gone on Friday and had left when he got agitated. I cried all day Friday and most of Saturday.
Saturday my son had his last football game. I was really feeling abandoned at that point. Not in a good place with my dad. My emotions were definitely not in check. My son not playing hardly at all put me over the top. I didn't sit by the other parents. I actually left for a while. I couldn't STAND to be there. I really feel right now like we don't belong here. I feel like the other kids are closer, excluding my son. I don't know that this is happening, it's just how I feel right now. I want nothing to do with anyone. I want to go home, and be there. With DH and kids. That's all I need. In essense I'm an orphan. Mom's gone. Dad unable to remember what is going on. At 38, I want nothing more than to run away with my DH and kids, and never look back. If it weren't for them, I don't know where I'd be.
Monday brought another call from the home. Dad is spitting at nurses, pinching people. That is what they tell me. I can hardly believe he is doing any of that. It's not him. Not to mention the weekend nurse felt the weekend went ok, but now the week nurse (same one from Friday) can't handle him. They've taken away his chew, putting him into withdrawl, which I'm sure is not helping.
I'm sick of telling people how things are going. I'm sick of babysitting. I'm sick of a lot of things right now. And the worst part of all is that I can't show these true colors to anyone. I am a manager. Everything is rosy. Business as usual. Whatever.
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