I will be admitting my dad to a VA hospital in two days. And I couldn't muster the courage today - to go and see him for lunch. I've gone to lunch at Dad's house 3-4 times a week for the last 2 1/2 years - since my mom died. The thought of having "one last lunch together" kills me. And I can't do it. I'd rather that Monday be my last - as it was normal. I didn't know on monday at noon that this would be happening. So Monday's lunch was normal.
I went to dad's after work last night - to discuss everything - and it was excruciating. It is killing me inside. And I'm afraid to go over there for lunch. I want to remember lunches with dad like they were BEFORE this came. Those lunches are gone forever. So many times I thought about it being the last one - but I guess I had some kind of disconnect with the entire concept.
So cowardly missy is sitting at her desk. Rather than cherishing the last few days lunches, I'm hiding. I'll go after work, when it doesn't matter.
1 comment:
Thanks for writing this.
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