the sounds of giving....and of JOY

I work in a volunteer services office. I literally work with 500 people who WANT to be there. Who LOVE what they do, and do so simply TO GIVE BACK. That, in itself, is amazing.

So many days, I am just amazed at the amount of giving this group of people do. They don't think twice about helping. They pick up extra shifts, extra hours. And many give outside of the hospital too. It's just who they are.

So to say the atmosphere in my office is awesome, is somewhat of an understatement. Oh, we have our days, but the bottom line is this - the people I am surrounded by 8 hours a day want nothing more than to give back, and to make the world a better place.

You get it, right?

So this afternoon my boss was gone. It's volunteer appreciation month, and we have treats all month long in the office as a thank you. This afternoon the office was like grand central station.

I had three teens in doing extra hours for us, working to improve one of our service areas. They sat in the back work room sorting magazines, chatting, laughing, and working.

As the afternoon shifts arrived, there was much camaraderie outside my office as they tried cookies (fresh baked - still warm!), and chatted.

I had several parents bring in paperwork, a couple of volunteers dropping off logs, and a child life staff member come in to discuss a new project. It was constant chatter, and people in and out, and all of it filled with excitement, and joy!

As I sat there listening to the hustle and bustle of the office, and the honest-to-goodness JOY coming from these people I am surrounded by, I was taken aback by how unbelievably Blessed I am to be in this stage of my life.

just a number?

One of my favorite parts of the new year is filling out my planner. I am an old-school paper and pen planner. And I love taking time to fill it out each January, putting in vacations, birthdays, holidays, etc. There is something deeply satisfying about laying out your year in advance. This from the woman who plans weekly menus, schedules housekeeping by evening, etc. I am kind of a planner.

So early in January on a quiet Sunday afternoon, I sat down with my planner.

But when I got to a certain day, I stopped.

I guess I wasn't ready. Or in my head, I wasn't there. But there it lay in front of me. Like a flashing
caution light.

Yep. That's me.

This year I turn 48 years old. When I wrote that down, I missed a breath. Honestly. It took me by surprise. I know that sounds like a cliché. But it literally made me miss a breath.

I just don't see my self as 48 years old. In that moment, I felt so old. 48 felt old. I started to think about how much of my life might be left. I thought about all that I still want to do. Had I wasted my life? How was it I was almost a half century old? I started to think about where I was at in life, my family, our home, our kids. I was having a very hard time getting my head around that NUMBER.

And of course it is JUST a number. Some people are old 48, some are young. I am not sure where I fall. I would hope on the young side. I tried letting my hair go gray a year ago, but couldn't do it. I enjoy hanging with my kids, I love hiking and traveling.

But my husband and I also love just staying home. We do early Friday night fish fry dinners with old fashions and  friends. We play cribbage.

So am I a young 48? Or OLD?

I guess seeing that number triggered some "mid life crisis" mentality in me. As I went through the week, and the week that followed, I found myself thinking about that number. Rationalizing. 47 doesn't sound so bad, so why is 48? I have never been bothered by birthdays. Not 30, not 40, not even 45. But for whatever reason, THIS one is getting to me.

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was the 25 year old blushing bride. And now my daughter is almost 26 and thinking about a wedding. It seems like I was just at my ten year high school reunion, and here we are planning our thirtieth...

So I am learning to embrace this number. I am doing more to take care of myself. I say "no" more often. I get enough sleep. I try not to push myself too hard. I take all of life's gifts for what they are - gifts.

So here's a toast. I am raising my glass. To receiving my 48th birthday as a gift. Another year.

Embracing my new stage of life...

I have found myself lately in a new stage of life. Closer and closer to a true empty nester, with grown children. And a "retirement" stage job that allows me less stress. And less financial stress. And fewer social requirements. And with this new normal, I find myself really paying attention to the world around me, appreciating all of life's beauty.

I am four months into my new career, and I still love it. I work forty hours a week, work with amazing volunteers of all ages that are the most giving people I have ever met, and am challenged every single day. It is ridiculously fulfilling. And I can see myself working there for the rest of my professional career. It has been such a blessing!

The hubby and I have been trying to figure out where we want to be. Where we want to retire. We have looked at land, and at houses, and at fixer-uppers. But we have realized that in all that we have seen, we are giving up some of what we both want in our final home. So we have settled on staying here for a while longer. So I am going to downsize the "things" we have, freshen up some paint, and focus on creating a beautiful space here.

I am not sure how I feel. The idea of a new place is exciting! But I also LOVE this home we have created over the last 23 years. We have made it our own. The tree from when my mom died, all of the flowers from my mom's house that I transplanted, my fun herb garden border, my coffee bar... there are so many pieces I love here. Of course it is far from perfect. A TINY kitchen, no master bath, small bedrooms. But I really think that it is enough for us. So I think staying is the best answer for now. We can move when we are both retired. When we don't have ties here. When hopefully there are grandchildren to live near.

So with no rush to sell this house, and only working 40 hours a week, and no sports or school events to go to, I have come to a weird sense of empty nest balance. I have dinner with friends. I go window shopping with no intent to purchase anything more than an idea. I am redecorating the house. I am cooking amazing foods for my husband and I, making sure we are eating balanced meals and even packing lunches. And I am already dreaming of gardening season.

People can say what they want about getting older. But I am genuinely loving every bit. I love my new sense of independence. I love the freedom, to meet friends for dinner and drinks, to take a weekend to see my daughter, to play a quick game of cribbage with my husband after work, or to walk every aisle of my favorite store with no purpose. I literally go to work looking forward to my day. I take in each sunrise, bask in the crispness of the winter air, and marvel at all the beauty around me. I am thankful for every single day.

And I am ready to embrace the next stages as they come. This amazing life God has gifted me with has been more of a Blessing than I ever thought I would have.

the curse....of my early rising self

I very rarely sleep in. Not because I set an alarm and force myself to, but because after about 6 or 7 hours, if I am woken by anything, ever so slight, I am up.

I have learned to embrace this curse as of late, enjoying my mornings. Spending time reading, stretching, enjoying my coffee, and waking with the world. It really is a gift - the quiet of the sleeping household.

Today was no different. As my husband left for work and kissed me goodbye, I knew my day had begun. So I have read several chapters in my current novel, and am close to finishing my first pot of coffee. I have printed a few recipes to try and have all of my supplies pulled for a couple of Christmas decorating pinterest ideas I wanted to try. (Future blog I am sure - pinterest success or pinterest fail - no one knows!)

So both days this weekend, when I had NO plans, I did not sleep in until daylight, I didn't lounge in bed like they do in the movies. No breakfast or coffee in bed. I am up, and embracing the day, like I do most days.

Such is the curse.

Thanksgiving Blessings

I cannot believe it is already the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

And I am sure I am not alone.

But really?

It was a weird thanksgiving. No big gathering. Didn't have to clean house, didn't have to get all the good dishes out. I cooked dinner for seven people, at supper time, at my father-in-laws. It was more like Sunday dinner than Thanksgiving. I guess it's to be sometimes. With my hubby working swing shift, and the kids each grown, some holidays will fall through the cracks. I survived (thank goodness for spiked coffee and the Macy's parade!).

The new job is going SO well. It's such a breath of fresh air to be working with such positive people. The volunteers, the rest of my department. All such good, good people. I love the energy there. And I love that we really get to make a difference EVERY DAY. This job is such a Blessing!

I am really looking forward to this weekend. To a low-key, at home weekend. Have soup in the crock pot, will do something with the turkey leftovers for dinner, and am hoping to deep clean the house today so I can decorate for Christmas tomorrow. Also have a couple of fun crafty things I want to play with (after I dig out the Christmas deco). So it's going to be a fun weekend!

I am so happy to have balance back. Working hard every day, but having my life back. It's amazing. I have gotten a couple of redecorating projects done. I've been taking time to spend with friends. The hubby and I are loving life as almost empty nesters - going to the movies, taking spontaneous weekends away. We had a great vacation in South Carolina with our best friends..

My new outlook on life is heading into each day trying to find someone to Bless. Someone who I can do something nice for. Be it helping at work, opening a door, baking or cooking, whatever it is. There is a lot of junk out there in the world. It's becoming a dark, scary place. And when I asked myself what I can do to make things better, I realized we all have so many chances, every single day. We can start a ripple of good.

So I do. I try to spread happiness and love. I try to help those in need. Because it's what I can do.

So life is good. Life is Blessed. God has been so good to us. Loving this adventure called life.

And a new chapter begins...

Crazy to be saying this, but I am truly hoping that tomorrow marks the start of my last chapter of my professional career. And by that, I mean, that I truly hope that this new adventure for me will take me through the next fifteen years, until I can retire.

Ever since leaving my management position in 2011, I have been floating. Trying to find my new direction, figure out where I am supposed to be. I have tried being my own boss (which I have decided is really not for me), I was able to stay home for a year to just be "retired" (which I loved, but am too young to consider for the next 30+ years), I sub-taught (which I loved, but cannot do for the rest of my life), and everything in between, just never finding what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

And then, I got a message from a friend...

This friend is someone who has known me professionally for many years, and on a personal level as well. She asked if I would be interested in a temp position at our hospital as it transitioned ownership. It sounded like a great reason to get out and be professional for a few months, and I was hired.

I was a "utility" person, working wherever was needed. While there, I worked in two offices, one of them managed by an amazing force of a manager who I loved working for. She is one of those managers who is SO good at reading people, finding their strengths, and utilizing them. You leave her office feeling accomplished, and appreciated. You look forward to working there.

Fast forward a couple of months after I was done with the temp job, and a job opened up, for the amazing manager. Two phone interviews, and one in-person interview later, and here we are. Tomorrow morning I am no longer a stay-at-home wife. I am back to a full time employed person. In a position working with volunteers. In a feel-good job, with an amazing manager, in a place I adored working as a temp. Yep. Quite honestly my dream job. I could not be more excited. I really see myself working this position for the next nineteen years.

I have always said that God puts you where you need to be. And when I first left my management career, I had no idea it would be so I could be a sub teacher for my friend with a brain injury when she could no longer teach. And who knew that this temp position would be my opportunity to get a foot in the door with an awesome job.

I am so very thankful for this opportunity. I cannot wait to dig in. To do amazing things. To fill a niche.

Time to turn the page on a new chapter!

patience

I am trying to be patient. I am waiting for a call on a job. A job that I think could be the perfect job to take me right through to retirement. It fits my salary needs, location, and offers me a chance to be fulfilled while making a difference.

But they haven't called.
"
I think I am perfect for the job. My skill set, my interpersonal skills, my passion, my experience... Everything that makes up my frame of reference has prepared me for this position.

But I don't know who else applied. And I am waiting. I am trying so very hard to maintain my patience, and not be pre-occupied with it. But it is getting harder. It's been over a week since my final interview.

I have had an anxious week. Waiting for the call. Emotional.

But out of the blue, I got a message from a former student, someone I had not heard from in over a year.

"I don't know why, but I felt the Lord saying pray for you today. I hope all is well."

God needed to remind me that He's got this. I forget to let my worries go, to give my anxiety up to the Lord. He is taking care of me. And He will provide what I need, whether or not that is what I THINK I need.

Love His little reminders....