wondering....

I often wonder why I do some things... like write this blog? I guess it's my answer to a journal, when I need to say something. Something I feel is important, even though no one is reading it. So important to me maybe? I guess so.

Or like trying to be a friend. That sentence says SO much. One shouldn't have to TRY to be a FRIEND. And yet I do. I feel compelled to keep working at some friendships, even though so many friends tell me not to.

And tonight I got burned. By people who for the last 8 years have called themselves my friend. I've been continually burned by them, but always "went back". Wondered if I was making more of something, if I was over reacting. But tonight I got my answer.

And it is amazing to me that people can be so blatantly mean to someone. Mean girls - live - and in 40-something adults. How sad. I am so thankful to have a strong circle of Christian women in my life. People who truly live their lives like Christians. It is they I need to lean on. They don't ask questions. They would never hurt me.

While I am very very very sad for what happened tonight - that they could hurt me like they did - I feel free. I don't have to bother trying anymore. I can continue to be friends with people who accept and love me for who I am. Life is too short to waste it on people who don't love you. TOO short.

The Positive Pledge

My neice posted this this morning.... and I love it. Really ties in to my post from the other day. I wonder what the world would be like if we all took this pledge.. I am signing it. It's the only way to live life! Thanks to my amazing neice for brightening my day....

The Positive Pledge
I pledge to be a positive person and positive influence on my family, friends, co-workers and community.
I promise to be positively contagious and share more smiles, laughter, encouragement and joy with those around me.
I vow to stay positive in the face of negativity.
When I am surrounded by pessimism I will choose optimism.
When I feel fear I will choose faith.
When I want to hate I will choose love.
When I want to be bitter I will choose to get better.
When I experience a challenge I will look for opportunity to learn and grow.
When faced with adversity I will find strength.
When I experience a set-back I will be resilient.
When I meet failure I will fail forward towards future success.
With vision, hope, and faith, I will never give up and will always move forward towards my destiny.
I believe my best days are ahead of me, not behind me.
I believe I'm here for a reason and my purpose is greater than my challenges.
I believe that being positive not only makes me better, it makes everyone around me better.
So today and every day I will be positive and strive to make a positive impact on the world.

DH

I don't often post about tv shows. Last night I had the youth group over for a meeting, so I missed Desperate Housewives. I've been watching that show since its start, and am very sad watching the series wind down. Really hadn't thought about watching it online, until I saw a post by my neice about it. So I took some time this Monday morning and watched it. I cried the entire time. Don't think of me as shallow and stupid, crying for a tv drama. Don't judge. :-)

I am one of those people who sees shows dealing with tragedy, and it's very hard for me not to think about what I would do in the same situation. Lucky for me, I don't live on Wisteria lane, and my life is far from that of the characters.

But with the series winding down, the writers decided to kill off one of the husbands. One of the good guys. And watching that character try to come to grips with the reality of her husband's death, and of her young son now growing up without a dad, and of his friends as they remember all of the good times... it is just too much.

So I am taking this time to write about how much I love MY husband. The irony is, I often use DH when talking about him (dear hubby), and today's post is DH for the show.

If I'd thought about what I was looking for in a husband twenty years ago, I would never have described my DH. Lucky for ME, I didn't know what I wanted or needed, and didn't screw up! Ken is one of those stable, loving, funny, GOOD guys. A good Christian. A good dad. A good son. A good guy. Helps people out when they need it. Takes CARE of us.

I don't know what I'll do if I have to ever say goodbye to him on this earthly world. Life here just wouldn't be the same without him. I love him with my soul. He IS my better half. As he said the day he proposed "it's like before I met you, I was only half a person, but together, we are whole". So I would be missing my other half.

It's episodes like this one that make you realize that we can't take ANY day for granted. That we need to be loving those around us like every day is the last. Make the most of all that we have together. Because those days make those memories that will get us through anything.

And most of all, I thank God, for the Blessing he has given me in Ken. A crazy road my life had to take to get me to him, but I'm here, and for that I am so very thankful.

Another Blessed day...

I am sure that there are people out there who think that my positive attitude is "exaggerated", or an act. To those people I wish that they could find the Blessings in everyday life that I have.

I haven't always been this way. In my core, I think I have been, but there have been many times in my life where life got in the way of me being who I am deep down. I love life. I am thankful for all of the Blessings that God has enriched my life with. I take the ups with the downs, knowing that everying in my life has a purpose, and is part of His plan. I think that quitting last October has really allowed my inner me to shine again.

Today was a perfect example. Busy all morning, I uploaded and ordered pictures for scrapbooking, baked bread, cooked a Mexican dinner, picked up the living room, and then took time to run some errands. Being a beautiful day (outrageous at this time of year in WI - upper sixties!), I walked. We live in a small town, so walking is NOT a big deal. Great excuse to take time for some exercise, get fresh air, AND get my errands done.
So I headed out to my first stop - the library. Needed my next book club book, and thought I should get it ordered. So I headed in - to browse. Didn't see the book in the fiction section, so I picked up a gardening book to browse through this weekend, and headed to the counter. When I asked her to order the book, she realized they had one - in a different section - and went to get it for me. SCORE! Chatted with the librarian, got my reading material, and headed off to the bank.

Of course I know the bank teller (small town, remember), so we chatted about gardens, the weather, and all that good neighbor talk while she cashed my checks. Then I was off to the post office, where too - both the workers are acquaintances, so we chatted about the world as I got my stamps. It's amazing how those small interactions can put a smile on my face.

The walk home was beautiful - sun shining, birds all over. Days like this, as simple as walking around town doing errands, are to me a great Blessing. It is a Blessing that I've been able to move to part time work. It's a Blessing that we live in this amazing little town. It's a Blessing that the library had my book on the shelf.

So many people rush through life missing all of these Blessings. They expect things, assume things, and demand them. When what we all NEED to do is be thankful for them.

on God's Blessings....

When I took the leap back on October 20th, 2011, leaving that high profile management job, I had no idea where it would take me. I gave it up. One of the hardest things to do - give it up to God. I prayed that he give me signs, lead me to my path.
There were so many signs. I would start to think about a new career or job, and something would get in the way. When that happened, I knew instantly that God was making sure I didn't take the wrong turn. After many possibilities, and obstacles, I'd like to bring you up to speed on my life today.


I have found myself richly Blessed with two opportunities that I am able to follow. I was called in February by a bakery near here asking me to sign on part time, to build their quality program, and improve production efficiencies and quality. I get to start from scratch, using all of my 19 years of experience and knowledge. I work mostly from home, in my comfies, by the fireplace, only commuting to the plant every couple of weeks to catch up. It's an amazing opportunity, where I feel so appreciated, needed, and respected.


Additionally, a friend of mine suggested I look into substitute teaching. I've often thought that I should have been a teacher, but in hindsight, the last 19 years have been necessary. What I gained from my job I would never have gotten if I'd been a teacher all these years. So I got my sub teaching certificate, turned it in last Monday, and by Tuesday had gotten a call. I subbed three days this week with an amazing group of 5th graders, and it was one of the most rewarding three days I've had in years. I loved working with the kids - both the good AND the bad. Trying to help, trying to make a difference. And they listened. And they asked questions. And they interacted. I absolutely LOVED it. More than I even thought I would. And I think they did too.


One child told me I was "the best sub ever". Another thanked me at the end of the day Wednesday for "being an excellent sub.". One stopped me and told me I should really think about being a teacher ALL the time. Wow. Talk about warm fuzzies. What a great way to end the day. While I'm enjoying my day off today to catch up, I miss them already. :-) But I already got called again last night - and I'll be working with 4th graders tomorrow. So I don't have to wait TOO long to dig back in!


I've always known that being in a place in life when I CAN just quit my job in blind Faith is a Blessing. I know that many cannot do it. And I am very thankful that our life living well below our means, not having a lot of debt, has brought me to this place. That at 41, I can work part time - doing things I absolutely love. Pair that with the amazing family and friends that surround me, and I know that I am ridiculously Blessed, and that God has given me all that I have. And for that, I am so very grateful. There are not words to explain how grateful. It is only through my actions that I can show it.


So my next "job" is to give back. As thanks for all that God Blesses me with. I need to enrich OTHERS. And that's a job I will adore even more than the others I have.


God Bless!

A landfall of change

The last month had brought a landfall of changes.. and mostly out of the blue.

After the new year began, I started my search in earnest for my next opportunity. Because corporate world didn't seem like the right fit for me anymore, my options were wide open.

• The local cafe. The local cafe and bakery had both closed in the last year, leaving a gaping hole in our little town. Ken and I talked about the cafe, the ups and downs of going into my own business, the committment, and the risk. My thought was to open a coffee shop and bakery. Not a full cafe (at least not at first). I would get to do my baking (my passion), and still have the people aspect of having folks in to talk to. I had even discussed it with a couple of people. Just as we were about to inquire at looking at the property, it was sold and reopened. God must have been worried I was going down the wrong path, and put a stop to it!


• Teaching. FINALLY at the end of January, my teaching certificate arrived. I will shortly have all documents in to be a full licensed sub teacher. Excited about the opportunity, although I don't know how many days I will get. We will see. Time will tell.


• Corporate life. Mid-January, I received notice from a friend of a corporate job in my area. I applied, and instantly, my husband got excited - more money, big bucks. I never felt right about the job. I just didn't feel that it was where i was supposed to be. I'm enjoying the freedom and flexibility - the ABILITY to take care of my family and self. While I flew through the first two levels of interviews, I was nervous for the third. The job was in a manufacturing process that I had no experience with.

All of these things basically were happening simultaneously. And nothing felt like "my calling". Nothing fit yet. Two days after my second interview for the corporate job, I received a call out of the blue. A call asking me to work part time - part from home - to set up procedures and training for a bakery I am familiar with. The following week I met onsite with the owner and signed on. An opportunity to use all of my 19 years of manufacturing experience, while working part time from home. So when the technical interview didn't feel comfortable with the corporate job, I knew why. I had found an opportunity that fit me, and that felt right.

Then there was call #2. Again, out of the blue, I received a phone call from the new owner of the cafe (someone I do not know), asking if I'd be interested in working part time for her, filling in when she cannot be there, sometimes a couple of times a week, early mornings.

So I have to wonder. Do these two opportunities come together to prepare me for something larger? Is my dream of a coffee shop and bakery in my future? Do I learn from the bakery and the cafe - all that I need to know? I would love to think so. I would love to think that God is putting me on a path to see that dream to fruition. But only time will tell.

2012..a new year

2011 was a crazy year. On October 20th, 2011, I left a job in management that I'd had for almost 19 years. The job had turned into something that didn't fit me anymore, and it was time to move on. I had not been unemployed since 1987 (high school!), and it was a very wierd feeling to simply wake up and stay home.

I am Blessed to have an amazingly supportive husband who is supporting me through this "breathing" stage. Some say mid-life. Some say "retirement". For me, it's just a change of direction. Something I never would have expected of myself.

I was "a lifer" at work. Someone who was completely invested in the company, and who would continue to climb the corporate ladder right up to retirement. It had been my first job after college, and if I'd retired there, would have put in over 40 years.

While it was sad to leave my friends, and scary to leave a place I'd gone to for 19 years, I'm finding that not knowing is not so bad. I'm still working on a plan for the future. I spent the last two months of 2011 enjoying my family, my home, and the holidays. Now it's time to dig back in.

I don't see myself going back to corporate life. It's just not important to me anymore. I cherish my home, my gardens, being domestic, and taking care of my family. Some would say I'm wasting my talents, degree, and experience. I say I've just wised enough to begin to really enjoy who I am.

I have applied for a sub teaching license, hoping to use that to fill in until I find what I want to do. If that fills my void, becomes enough, then fantastic. If not, I'll keep looking. I'd love to stay part time, rather than go full time. We'll see how that goes.

I am so lucky to be able to do this with my life.