So long....

It has been SO long. I'm sure some of my faithful readers have given up on me...

Life has become this ridiculously hectic whirlwind that flies by. I don't seem to even have time to breathe. I'm working long hours at work, long hours at home, and seemingly behind on everything. So unfortunately my passion for writing has taken a back seat....

I have had an AHA moment in the last two weeks. I've been SO busy - at work, and at church, and was starting to fall behind. I was getting frustrated, and stressed out, and to that point where I want to just start over. I hate it when I get to that point, but I run on overdrive 90% of of the time, and when I crash, I crash hard. I spent days crying, and sleeping. I was done.

One day at work, I started noticing attitudes on people. Five people in particular. They seemed to be picking apart everything done by anyone - in not only my department, but in others as well. They seemed to be fishing to find a way to point fingers for things not done well.

I don't like being wrong. But when I am, I accept it. If someone in my department messes up, we move on. These five people seem to be trying to find ways to make others look bad. And I knew I'd be a candidate because I was starting to get frantic, getting things done JUST in the nick of time.

On the way home from work that night, I cried. Not unusual at this time. It's how my stress manifests itself. But as I'm crying, I start to get angry. Why should ANY stress get that bad? Why should anyone else be able to make me cry?

Then I remembered back to college - had just broken up with a "boyfriend" if you can call him that. It was interim, and I was in a music class with a bunch of his football buddies. So I made it a point to be looking awesome EVERY day. I wanted him to know that I was just fine. And it worked. I didn't allow the frustration of the situtation to get the best of me.

So I decided that this "killing them with kindness" kind of revenge is the ticket. I stayed late, stayed focused, rallied my department, and have decided that no one will be able to say we're not doing our best. If they find something wrong, we'll already have investigated it and know what happened, and what needs to be done going forward.

And the same with church. I have a big job there - and the woman who gave it up would like nothing more than for me to fail. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction. I'm going to work my butt off proving EVERYONE wrong.

time flies by...

Last night I had the pleasure of watching my eldest daughter play an amazing game of basketball. She is a sophomore, and plays JV, starting at post. She had a great game - 10 points, several assists, two blocks, more than two steals. Even the varsity coach pulled her aside after the game to tell her "great game".

She stayed to tape the varsity game, but I opted to leave, as it was 45 minutes from home, and I'd yet to get there. Gone straight from work. So I had 45 minutes to think. Down time.

It is so hard to fathom that I only have 2 more years with her. In two years, she'll be moving out to college. Two more years of hearing the stories from school, of watching ball, of taking her places, of hanging out and shopping. And that makes me so sad. My baby is growing up way too quickly.

I was a single mom. I had my daughter right after college. It was just the two of us. And honestly, when I decided to keep her, I never pictured anyone in our lives. I really thought it would just be the two of us for the long haul. Fortunately for us, we found my husband, who has become an amazing father to her.

I can't believe that our years of being buds, mother and daughter, are coming to the cross roads of her adulthood. I can imagine how much fun we are going to have going forward - traveling, etc., but it is going to be different. We won't have her laughing, her sarcasm, her wit, around us every day. While we still have her little brother, the mix will definitely change. Just thinking about it makes me cry.

I vow to spend as much time with both my children as I can. These days are numbered and precious, and I'm not giving anything up!

random thoughts on a monday

so my packers lost yesterday. nfc championship game. ice bowl 2. but we lost. at least we lost to the giants - with a starter from our area. we can at least cheer on richie seubert. but we LOST.

had a good weekend with my ds. dd is off snowboarding at a ski resort for the weekend. dh was working.

guess i'm not in a writing mood today. more another day. sorry to disappoint!

some things I'd rather not know...

In searching for a cost justification file at work today, my computer brought up a folder held by one of my subordinates. Normally, I wouldn't have access to this - not sure what is going on. For some reason, it pulled it up. It was a resume, written last summer, to get a different job.
This associate is awesome. He is a great fit, a smart guy, fully capable, and I would hate to lose him. I truly thought he was happy here, and a team player, the whole bit. Now I know that he's looking for other work. And while I can't say anything about it, knowing in the back of mind, it will influence my decisions going forward. I never had to know. But I do. And that bothers me.
UGH.

today

I haven't been writing much, but there is so much going on in my life right now it's just tough to even get a chance to hit the internet. I haven't ck'd my yahoo account in days.. I can only imagine what it looks like.

Been busy - as usual - with work, church, home, and the kids.

Work is nuts. But lately I've felt that it is going really well. I feel like people actually listen to me when I speak. I feel like they're starting to put more value in my knowledge, my opinions. They're giving me bigger boundaries. I work more with more departments. The downside - haven't gotten a promotion or raise, just more work. The upside - they're sending me to a food show, either Chicago or New York. Man, do I hope it's New York. I'm in Chicago several times a year - it's great, but it's not New York. I had to hire a new full timer - and interviewed 11 people for the job. I ended up promoting a part time person - on a gut instinct. I hope I don't get burned. So far, so good.

Church - I'm busy putting together the year end numbers for the annual report. Council is tomorrow, so I'll be up all night tonight finishing. Just like finals week in college. Nothing has changed. I still procrastinate. That's just who I am.

Home is going well. Actually had friends over to crop on Saturday all day and I pulled a selfish moment. I don't do it often. But I was supposed to go to a surprise party for a dad of one of my son's team mates. Great guy - but very slight connection. I called my "date" (another mom) and cancelled, so that my friends could stay and crop longer. One of my goals for 2008 is to do the things I truly love, not things just because I feel obligated. And I'm so glad I did. My friends stayed really late - and we had a blast.

Personally - I've been really good about walking on my treadmill. I love walking. I can only imagine how goofy I am, as my walk changes with the different songs on my Ipod. My dd loaded it for me - so it's quite the variety. I'm a vision, I'm sure - walking to Fegalicious - arms swinging to the music.

But I am trying to stay active. Still have some emotional eating - late at night - which I'm not sure how to curb. But one thing at a time. My goal is to ad .05 miles each week. This week I'm walking 1.25 every night. Once that habit is fully enstated, I will start on the others.

So far for 08, I'm doing ok. I'm working hard at work - taking pride in what I do - and staying on top of church things - - reading a great book, scrapbooking, spending time with the kids and family, and trying to get healthy. January 15th, two weeks in.

Until later....

young love

Last night was an amazing evening. I took the night "off" from working at home, or working on the church books, because it was dh's first day off in 6 of being on the night shift. Both kids were gone off and on throughout the night, to practices, and then to games. In between shuffling them around, it started to snow. When I made the last pilgrimage to the school, around 9pm, the snow was coming down. It was beautiful. No wind, warm out (ok, I'd had a glass of Kirsch - it was probably colder than I knew...), and a clear night.

When I got home, I convinced my dh to take a moonlight walk in the snow with me. Throwing a sweatshirt over my pjs, we headed out, walking arm in arm through the falling snow. All was quiet on the street - and it was beautiful. It was a great evening - just the two of us. And the look on our dd's face was priceless. "You're going for a walk NOW?". I hope that someday she finds someone that she loves to spend time with as much as we do. 12 years and counting, and we're still hopelessly in love.

reflections on a new beginning

tis the season...to ponder the year gone by and look towards the new year with hope and expectations.

2007 was an amazing year. we had some great family time, capped off with an old fashioned road trip - two weeks traveling the mother road (route 66) from chicago to california. it was an unbelievable family vacation....

so as i begin to think towards 2008, there are several things that come to mind. the first is family. i want to continue to put our family first. we've been very diligent about that the last few years, spending time hanging out, playing games, going shopping, taking trips, etc. that has to be number one.

a second thing of importance to me is my health. i am overweight, even though i am active, and that is purely due to emotional eating. i know how to be healthy. i was very healthy in college. i just don't take the time to BE healthy. so i'm vowing to spend time taking care of myself this year. no big diet. no huge exercise plan. but doing things to make me healthier. just common sense. enough of this bizarre unhealthy lifestyle. i'm too young. i have too much to live for.

a third thing is taking time to do some of the things i really love. reading. scrapbooking. playing my violin. writing. i need to do those things for me. they are part of me, a part that sometimes i let go. i don't want to lose who i am.

a fourth one is continuing to explore and strengthen my faith in Jesus Christ. my faith has been an integral part of my life for years. and every year it grows a little more. but to me, it's never enough.

so those are my four top priorities. of course, spending time visiting friends and riding harley are in there too. actually, one of my hard goals for 2008 is getting my motorcycle license. looking forward to that.

but in living life day to day, the top four are most important to me. here's to 08!