Saying goodbye to a wonderful man.

RIP Uncle Allen

Today brought a phone call that broke my heart. My closest uncle, my mother's brother, passed away yesterday at the nursing home where he'd resided for the last few years.

I'd like to say that I'd just seen him, had just spent time with him, but that isn't the case. The last few times I'd meant to see him, something always came up. And it was too easy to say "next time". So sadly, I hadn't seen my uncle in a long time. And I am so angry that I let myself lose that opportunity. But rather than dwell on my inadequacies...I want to talk about the amazing man that he was.

Allen Breheim was my mother's older brother. He and the love of his life never had children. So they were "that" uncle and aunt - who were always around to share holidays, and life moments. They were very much a piece of our lives growing up.

Uncle Allen was a positive, charismatic, and happy soul. He had an infectious laugh. I LOVED his laugh. And he had an unfailing Faith in Jesus Christ. Faith that set examples for so many around him. He was an incredibly giving person, always willing to help out. ALWAYS. He married the love of his life, only parting from her when she passed on first. They loved life - worked hard, and played hard - traveling all over the world together. I've never known a couple more crazy in love than them.

I honestly cannot think of a fault that he had. I say that sincerely. If my mother were alive, I'm SURE she'd have something to say - about something he did when they were growing up. But I honestly cannot think of one negative thing to say about him. NOT one.

We should all strive to be remembered like that.

To leave such a positive impact on the world around us.

I have a lot of amazing memories of my uncle, from early in my childhood on.

Growing up, we spent a lot of time with them. He and his wife had a huge garden, and I remember when we'd get the call - and mom and I would head over to help with processing. Sitting on the back deck shucking peas, pitting cherries on a board of nails he'd made for us, whatever the process was. We always did it together.

When my aunt and uncle still lived in my home town, they had an annual New Year's Day dinner. It was always a wonderful affair - with too much food, and lots of family.

There are sad memories too... I will always remember when my mother was dying. She was in a coma in CCU, and I didn't realize that my brother had called my uncle. They lived over an hour away, but had found a driver to bring them to the hospital. When I walked out of mom's room and saw his face, his grief and sadness, it broke my heart. He cared so much for everyone, that seeing his sister in that state tore him to pieces. I think it might have been the first time I've ever seen someone with a truly broken heart.

But one of the latest memories I have is of a conversation that he and I had when his wife had gotten ill. I had gone to the hospital to see her, and then stopped at the house and chatted with him before returning home. We just reminisced. About my mom, who had been gone several years. We laughed. I loved his laugh... And we cried. It was the only true one-on-one conversation I'd ever had with him, and I will cherish it, and the memory of it.

RIP Uncle Allen. I am so sorry that I didn't make those last visits... know that you have been someone I've always looked up to. I hope that some day I can make you as proud to call me family as I am to call you Uncle. See you some day again, will see you all some day.

One year later... in retrospect

October 21st, 2011, was the first day of the rest of my life. It's very hard to believe it's been a year.

On October 20th, I left a company and job that had been part of my life for much of my adult life. It was the only life I'd known, as an adult. In upper management, I was in a fast forward life style, a true type -A, trying to not only run my department there, but balance life at home with my family and friends. And I was doing it. I thought. I had a 20 minute commute to and from work, worked on average 10 hour days, and was in a high stress level for most of those 10 hours.

Making the change to staying home, and working part time, has been one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding things I've ever done. A year later, my life is so different. I've spoken about living a "new normal" before, and that could not be more true than right now.

I am working part time at a small store here in town, helping with catering. And I also sub teach. So three or four days a week, I'm working. I work shorter days, and don't take any stress of the jobs home with me. Because I work in town, gone is the 20 minute drive to and from work. We have downsized by one vehicle, and I walk everywhere I need to go here. We live in a small town, so walking is absolutely feasible. So where I used to have a 20 minute drive, I now have a 15 minute walk.Thanks to less stress and walking everywhere, I am down 41 pounds and feeling better than I have in years.

I had a huge garden this year, and canned dozens of jars of food for the winter - applesauce, grape and cranberry juices, tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, salsa, and more. I froze veggies and fruits also - filling our freezer with amazing produce to enjoy this winter. I am cooking real meals for my family, as well as for several of my friends - using fresh ingredients, making everything from scratch. I have learned to make bread from scratch. (Still a lot to learn, but I'm no longer afraid!).

I joined the LWML at church, and spend more time there. I also was able to spend some time volunteering for CMN and for our parents group through the sports at school (writing articles, feeding the kids.) I do feel I need to do more, and this morning at church felt God was talking to me about it.

Most of all, our entire family has changed. While there have been many things we've had to change - we found that most of those changes were wasteful things we didn't need. We spend less, and we have more. More time together. More quality time. We are all happier. I love being able to cook for my boys, and make sure they have real food for lunch. I love creating quality family time. I love being able to spend a day visiting my amazing daughter. I love having family holidays and events.

In the last year, I've applied for a couple of jobs, but didn't get them. I'm not sure that I at this point want to go back to work in a high stress situation. I have really enjoyed downsizing my life, simplifying, and getting back to basics.

I know there are so many who are shocked at what I "threw away" when I left my job. The money, the prestige, and the benefits. But I also threw away the stress, and am giving back to my family in ways that a working mother rarely can. For the first 6 months after leaving, I didn't work at all. And we learned to live on a lot less. I don't know that we truly want for anything. Sure, I'd have a Kindle, and a smart phone, and maybe a nicer tv and clothes. But none of those things would make me any happier than I am right now.

I don't know that I expected to be working part time when I left my job. We really didn't know what the plan was, just that it was something different. I am so Blessed to be able to do this. I've been doing a lot of introspection this last week, as the impending "anniversary" approached. Time to take stock, of what worked, and what didn't, in this last year.

Most of all, the decision to change my life, to take control of my life, brought me happiness. Happineess I had not known for several years. Gone are the days of feeling obligated. Obligated to do what others expect me to do. I am happy to report that I make decisions on my life now. Decisions that make the best sense for my family and those I love. Most importantly, I need to make sure that happiness is the motivator for all that we do.

I have ideas. Not sure where they will take me. But I have ideas. Ideas I never thought I'd have. Wish me luck. We'll see you in another year, and see where I am at. For now, I'm happy to be here.

the smells of fall...

As my avid readers know, I am a walker. I walk to work, either at the store, or school. I walk to the library, the store, church, and everywhere in between here in our little town. (To some - I'm the crazy lady with the back pack)...

One of the perks is experiencing the walk. Enjoying the sun on my face. The cold, crisp air. And the smell... of fall.

I love the smell of fall. Of the fallen leaves, the wet earth. That smell takes me back to the woods - either the woods at our school forest - or the woods up north at the family cabin. Both powerful, wonderful memories that are triggered when I smell fall.

On the way home tonight, after a 10 hour day, my feet were hurting, and I was tired. But when I smelled fall, that all fell away. It didn't matter. It was all I needed as a reminder, to be thankful for the Blessings ALL around me.

God is so good.

Raising children, hard work, but worth the rewards!

I love some of the conversations that come out of facebook. Today, I have several friends discussing parental guidance, and raising children.

I am extremely proud of both my children. My daughter, age 20, is off at college becoming her own woman. She is becoming a responsible, caring adult, and I am so proud. My son is 15, and is also maturing into an amazing human being. Today was one of those days when I realized just how amazing he is becoming.

This morning he had a couple of appointments to go to before heading to school. So we headed off for town, chatting about the upcoming homecoming festivities, bullying, books, and just about anything I could come up with. While walking into the clinic, my 15 yr old son automatically went ahead of me to get the door. every time. He waited for others to go before him in line at the counter. While waiting, he sat and read. We had breakfast in between appointments, and when I dropped him off at school, he thanked me again for breakfast.

For me, the hard work of raising children is paying off. In two amazing children, who both volunteer at various organizations. Not because they have to "log hours" for something, but because that is who they are. They let others go first. They open doors for others. They help people. Without thinking twice. They say please, and thank you.

And I love it all.

and them.

very much.

favorite things of fall

There are so many things I love about fall.

this weekend, while hanging out laundry, I paused to listen to the falling leaves. what a beautiful sound....

the way the light shines through the colors of the trees...especially early in the fall, when there is more green than turned.

the sound of geese overhead

the smell og the woods

the chill in the air..

football, hot cocoa and Irish coffee, and camp fires

the sound of birds playing in the fallen leaves

what are your favorite things?