Santa Teresa de Avila

While visiting Avila in the late 80s, I was struck by a statue of Santa Teresa, who started the Carmelite nuns. Santa Teresa's life revolved around her Faith, her love of God. She lived a simple life, pure. A poem was sent to me today. Every time it's sent, I am moved:

May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

plumber butt and more random thoughts....

For some reason my mind is swimming with dozens of observations I've mentally noted in the last two weeks.

I have seen two HORRIBLY graphic examples of plumber butt in the last two weeks. And it makes me wonder. Do they know? Has anyone ever showed them what it looks like? Maybe if we took a picture, they would understand. It's something I really have no want of seeing, yet miraculously they are always right in front of your face.....

FAITH. Last night was Ash Wednesday. I have been gone for the last three weekends, unable to go to church. So I made sure that I could get there last night. It's amazing to me how renewing it is just to go to church. I have noticed my mentality, my moods, my life in general has been tense these last three weeks. I, as a person, NEED community worship. It cleanses me. Thank you, Pastor Tom, for inspiring me like no other. For cleansing my soul, and for making me new again. For being the voice that brings me The Word, and makes me better.

Snow... It is supposed to start snowing here around 2pm. Yet at 9am, they called school to close at noon. Ok. Maybe I'm missing something. But it hasn't even STARTED to snow yet. The sun is shining, and it's beautiful out. According to radar, it's about in LaCrosse. I'm pretty sure that when we were kids, we wouldn't be out of school for a "proposed" snow storm on the way. And this isn't the first time it's happened!!! Snow boots anyone?

Basketball. Basketball (BB) has been all over my life lately. Saw the Bucks beat the Nuggets on Sunday. WOOHOO. Daughter is playing in the regional semi finals tomorrow (was postponed - due to the "proposed" snow). Son is playing in tourneys every weekend, which are by far the highlight of the week, as we parents get to hang out all weekend long....

Well, that's enough for now. Random thoughts - no question there.

the open road...

I've been playing with my facebook, and my blog tonight (instead of finishing my econ midterm), and loaded a bunch of pictures from the Harley trips over the past years. I can't wait for Sturgis this year. It's been two years since we were there, and it's like missing a home away from home. We stay at a campground called the Buffalo Chip (ck out the slide show!), and it is seriously like going home.

There is a freedom to being a biker. People don't care where you work, or who you are, except that you are a biker. I love that. I love just being me. No pretenses. No game playing. What you see is what you get.

The countdown to Sturgis begins.....

laughter is the best medicine..

Oh, to start with a cliche. Sorry about that. But as I sit here on a Friday night, finishing off a ridiculously hectic week, I'm struck by the irony that my week held. In several (I think four) separate occassions, it was a very hard week at work. Personnel issues, review writing, etc. Just very busy. And yet what I take home from this week is the pure laughter we experienced throughout the week. Laughing at ourselves for losing our minds, laughing at stories of children and grandchildren, and laughing at each other.

I work with amazing people. Even after having really hard face to face talks about not-s0-good issues, I was able to have an amazing meeting with a coworker that started and ended in genuine laughter.

I have an awesome friend at work, one that is a true confidant, and she and I have laughed more this week (in between frustrations) than we have in months. It's been a hard last few months. And it finally feels like we're back in the groove. I can't thank her enough for what her friendship means to me. On a daily basis.

gifts...

I had a Saturday morning visit with my dad this weekend, celebrating his birthday. It was a short visit, as we were on the way to my son's basketball tournament, but it was a good visit. Having severe dimentia, there probably isn't anything from Saturday that my dad will remember. But for myself, and for my sister, those visits are such gifts. We joked, brought him a gift, had the other residents sing Happy Birthday. In the mornings, he is so much better. So alert, and relaxed. I very rarely get to see him at that time of day. Most visits are at night, when he's tired, and less tolerable. Saturday morning was amazing. I was sad to go. I wanted to chat, to play cribbage, and to look at old pictures. But I'll save that for another Saturday.

Unless you know the history with my dad, you don't understand how that type of a visit is a gift. My entire childhood and life until I was 28, he was an alcoholic, and we had no relationship. We didn't speak. We didn't hug. After his stroke, he dried out, and over the last ten years, we've bonded. We've gotten to know each other. While he has dimentia, that doesn't matter. We talk, play cards, and remember. He tells stories of the olden days. I recount what's going on in our busy lives.

So those Saturdays are gifts. Gifts with a value so high they can't be bought. Gifts I cherish, and thank God for.

to be such a disappointment to so many.

to be a disappointment to someone is to me, the worst feeling. i take all that i do with great pride. to be told that i am wrong, that i've done something wrong, that i don't know what i'm doing, that i'm always causing problems, it kills me.



and what hurts is how easily people can hurt someone. as if they don't feel the pain they are inflicting. how sad, that someone should feel that they are right, that they HAVE the right, to talk to someone that way. yet they do. they all do. my children. my coworkers. my siblings. even my friends at times. and usually at the same time.



it started late yesterday afternoon. i've been crying since. i need my mom. i want my mom to come visit me. to tell me everything is going to be ok. i've been asking her to do that since she passed away. i know it's selfish of me to ask. i know there are people who need her as an angel much more than i. i know that i am Blessed. and that i just need to suck it up. but if she would just come and let me know...



i need her with me when i'm getting yelled at. when i read things others have written about me. when i get mean emails pointing out an error rather than a gentle reminder (i am human). i need her to tell me it's going to be alright. that she's here for me. i just need her. and i can't have her. God gets her now. i wish he would share.