a brave face...

Today I have a brave face on. Most days I have a brave face on.. and it's not easy - I wear my heart on my sleeve.

It's the holiday season. We are having a wonderful month. Working at a 4th quarter business, that isn't always the case. But I'm more prioritized toward my family. I let things go that aren't important. We don't have the decorations up yet, we put up what we want when we decide. My home isn't a showplace, it's a home. I'll send cards out this weekend, but won't stress - they get sent when they are sent. It's a welcome treat no matter when it arrives. At night we take time out to have popcorn or cocoa and watch our favorite Christmas classics.

On the outward appearance, my life is in control. My dad is doing GREAT at the home, and I'm really doing well. Honestly, it's the first in three years that I am completely looking forward to the new year, and thankful for all the Blessings of 2008.

But I still miss my mom. It's that simple. I can be doing so well, when all of a sudden, I miss her. Her favorite Christmas song just came on and I'm crying. It is such a huge empty spot in my life, in my heart, in our family. She was the heart of so much. She was amazing. And some days I just miss her.

But I'll cry with my door closed, and by the time lunch is over, no one will be the wiser. Because I can put on my brave face.