trapped.....

trapped.....
I am trapped.
I am a leader trapped in a manager's job.

I am taking part in a magnificent program for leaders in my home town. My corporation has sent me. And I love it. I live for these things. These first two days are all about situational leadership, character, traits of leaders, Myers-Brigs, and the ropes course.

Today - in reading the difference, I realized that I am a leader trapped in a manager's body. I understand now why I had to go to HR to ask why I'm not being promoted. I have probably 90% of the characteristics in a strong leader, yet I am stuck in a position that only allows me to be a manager.

I am a leader, possibly a great leader, trapped...
Trapped in a manager's job....

Major life challenges...

I am getting tired of crying. I am in the process of a major life change - putting my elderly father into a nursing home. He has severe dementia, and some days he's ok with what's going on and other days he's not. Today was one of those "not" days. He knows he needs to leave his house because it's too big. He hasn't realized that he can't take care of himself anymore. I've been prepping him for months, talking about his changes, talking up the veterans home he will be going to. But on days like today, he absolutely gets angry even talking about it.

While I know it's going to be SO good for him, it's SO hard to see him angry. My mother passed away 2 1/2 years ago, and since then, he's been in that house, by himself. Unable to leave (he can't walk without some assistance), he gets up, makes coffee, eats toast. Watches the news. Does his crosswords. Reads his books. That's about it. He seems so lonely. And I really think that having other veterans to shoot the breeze with will be amazing for him. But today he wanted nothing of it.

And I don't just cry for dad. Selfishly, I cry for myself. The home he will be leaving is the only childhood home I had. We moved there when I was two. I have no memory of the farm at all. For the last sixteen years, on most weekdays, I have spent lunch there. For the first year and a half after returning from Nebraska, my daughter and I lived there. After marrying and moving 20 miles away, I still worked in my home town, and went over there every day to have lunch and chat with my mom. After mom passed away in 2006, my lunches changed from chats to my daily work hour - making dad a hot lunch, doing his shopping, cleaning his house, doing the laundry, etc. And each day we chat - something we never did before. Mom and I were always close, so I just spent lunch chatting with her. Now, I've created that bond with dad, and have heard stories from his time in the service, growing up, having a young family, everything. Something amazing . And I cry every day when I leave, knowing my lunches with dad are numbered. When he moves, he'll be an hour away. The house will get sold. MY home will get sold. It will be the end of a huge chapter in my life. One, that at age 38, I'm not ready to close.

Holistic well being

I had the opportunity this morning to begin my day at a seminar about stress management, and the holistic approach. The point was simple. All of our "beings" are connected - our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Being balanced as a whole is managing our health. Being holistically healthy.

In the seminar, she brought up that studies are being done to show that mental/emotional/spirtual health are directly related to our susceptibility to disease, and how we fight that disease.

A case in point. A good friends mother just went under quadruple bypass. And she's doing really well - improving quickly. This woman is the most balanced I think I know. Being a social worker, she is in tune to emotional health, and she's just "got it all together" that way. I really admire her. I truly feel she will recoup quickly, as her outlook (i.e. the spiritual/emotional/mental heath part of her) is so strong and healthy.

I just found out that a good friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. And she is a complete type a - under ridiculous stress at work, and at home. And I truly worry about her ability to fight this - as I don't see her whole being being in balance, in sync, and healthy. I hope that I can guide her into a better place emotionally, so that she can better fight this.

In those two women I see a completely different outcome - solely based on the state of their being. There is so much truth in holistic health. On our attitude. On our outlook on life. On how we handle the stress given to us on a daily basis.

another great life experience....

Today was another one of those great unexpected life experiences. I had the day off - taken to set up my garage sale for tomorrow. I always rush when setting them up on Friday night, so I thought I would take the day to myself to enjoy the process....

BUT. My DH had made plans with his parents to attend an auction. Not a normal auction, a PRODUCE auction. Now - I'd never heard of a produce auction before. They had gone for the first time earlier in the week, and invited DH to go. He asked if I was interested. I threw my towel in on taking my time with the sale and said sure.

We started with breakfast at their house, then drove the hour to the sale. It was one of the neatest things I've experienced in a long time. Basically, it's a modern day market square - but an auction. Growers from all over the area bring their goods, register the lot, and buyers from all over the area bid on them.

I'm a big fan of farmer's markets. Of buying local. So this was amazing. Bushels upon bushels of tomatos, onions, peppers, sweet corn, peaches, pumpkins, gourds, squash, flowers, and nearly every type of vegetable you can think of. It was SO hard not to bid on it all! It was an entire pole shed filled - with people milling about, drinking coffee, chatting about the weather, the crops, the election, oil prices... Just a small town Midwest country day. Something that I, as a working woman, wouldn't normally get to experience.

The thrill of bidding, and WINNING my prizes was amazing. We came home with a truck loaded down with watermelon, sweet corn, bell peppers, pumpkins, and peaches. All day long I thought of all the veggies and fruits I could freeze and can, all the recipes I can prepare. I can't wait for the weekend to play! I'm filled with daydreams of peach kuchen, and frozen sweet corn, and my next visit to the market!

the desperate housewives of 54466...

Catching a rerun of DH this Sunday inspired me to write about my own DH. The DH of 54466....

It all started innocently. Our boys were on the same baseball team. We had a blast at games, joking around. Then I invited them to a wine tasting at my house. We had so much fun, we decided we had to do it again - this time in the hot tub. That first night in the hot tub was so fun, we've done it three more times since!

There are four of us. All in completely different places in life. But all connected - by our children - and now our friendship.

Three of us got together Friday - one couldn't make it - but we had the greatest time. We sat in the hot tub, sipping wine slush, and talking the week away. One had sent out an SOS that it had been a rough week, and she needed us to put it behind her.

That's what we do - the DH of 54466. We are there for each other, in good, in bad, whenever we are needed.