Did you miss me?

Oh my goodness.
It has been... TWO YEARS.
I have missed this, more than I can express. Writing is a part of me. A part I have been ignoring for so long... but no more.

I AM BACK!

So grab your cup of coffee, and let me catch you up. It's been a crazy three years.

Spring 2014 - a family trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, ended with us getting stranded in South Haven, Mississippi, with car troubles. Little did any of us know that God was giving us a little "break" as a family before our lives would turn upside down (a few times!)

Upon returning from our trip, my elderly father took a turn for the worst, and we lost him in March of that year. He was 88 years young, and passed away very peacefully after several years of excellent care at a VA hospital near us.

In April, my husband and I decided to take a leap, follow a dream, and open a café in our small town. For over two years, I worked 70 hour weeks, pouring my love, my passion, my heart and soul, blood, sweat, and tears into cooking for thousands of people. And it was a heck of a ride! Definitely not all up, and definitely not all down. It was the hardest thing I ever tried and I am so glad I did it. Not many people can say they were able to try their dream. And I did. I learned so much, met so many amazing people... but as they say, all good things have to come to an end.

In the end, we were struggling. We live in a small town (800 people), and there were so many challenges, from getting staff, to making ends meet. I had reached a dark place, working even more hours, trying to keep the place running, when our world stopped one Saturday in April, 2016...

I will never forget that day. I was hosting a private dinner party at the café, by myself. I had just served dessert, and was cleaning in the back kitchen, when my husband walked in. I knew something was wrong.

I remember I was holding some crinkled up tin foil. (Isn't it weird what you remember?) He told me they had found his brother dead, in his apartment. At only 53... I remember dropping the tin foil, breaking down, and then realizing what we had in front of us. We had to tell my in-laws. I was able to ask one of the guests at the dinner to finish up for me (God always provides people when in need!), and we began the horrific process that included telling everyone, traveling to Kansas City to clean out his apartment, and laying him to rest.

And that was only the beginning.

My mother-in-law, who had been fighting cancer for over a year, took a turn for the worse. By the beginning of August, I was trying everything I could to keep the café open, take care of my in-laws, and somehow still be a husband and wife. One night, sitting on the couch, I broke down. And all my husband said was "I think it's time."

We both knew. Family has always been the most important thing in my life, and for 2 years I had put them on the back burner. But with my mother-in-law failing, we knew that it was time to close the café and take our lives back. Once we made the decision to close, everything went so fast. We planned on closing August 31st, not knowing how quickly my mother-in-law would deteriorate. Amidst her final week, moving her to hospice care, and her passing, I had to close the dream I was ending, literally burying my mother-in-law one day and closing the doors the next.

That fall, my husband and I took several trips - something that had also been missing for two years. We were able to see a friend's daughter married in Colorado, and see dear friends in New Orleans. Loss wasn't over though, as I would lose my Godmother later that fall, and then one of my best friends (damn cancer!) in January of this year.

Of course I still feel loss on so many sides, but I will say we made the right decision. Life is too short, and our family could not be happier. I didn't realize how much my time at the café affected everyone. So many times after closing, I would catch my husband saying "I am so glad to have you back".

I was Blessed to be able to do my dream. And Blessed to know when it's time to let it go. For the last year, I have had so much time to be with family, take care of my father-in-law, and to just breathe.

I have always been one to try to have work/life balance. I will admit that I lost then during the café. But it is back. I am working on a new full time job, one that I would like to take me through the next fifteen years, to my retirement. One where I will be able to fill a niche, and make a difference. I am loving taking care of my family, and my home.

So I am back. Just a little glitch. But I am back, and I am fierce as ever.

Time for another cup of coffee!

In a funk

I have been in a crazy negative funk lately. And it's SO not my style. I'm getting overwhelmed - too much to do, too little time, too little help. I'm sure that I'll get back on top, but right now I am just not myself.

I know some people are picking up on it. Especially those close to me. But what I honestly need right now is a bit of down time. I need to be left alone for awhile. So I can get my junk in order - get stuff DONE.

I need to focus. To write a to-do list. To delegate what can be delegated.

My only problem is I hate asking for help. Especially of my family - who should be helping without being asked. (sigh). .I know this is not a new problem. It exists in every family. Still sucks.

So enough whining. I am off to finish a to-do list and try to get focused for tomorrow. I got the house back in order this afternoon, and I am very happy about that. Tomorrow it's café work. LOTS of café work. Cuz there is lots to do.

Out of BALANCE!

I will be the first to admit that my life is horribly out of balance right now...

There are multiple days a week that I am putting in 14+ hours at the café.

But it is my dream.
I am living my dream.

And while it is a lot of work, I am loving (almost) every minute of it. I get to cook for people, make them happy. I have a ridiculous circle of loyal customers - that I love dearly - and look forward to seeing every day. I am literally living my dream. Not many people can say that.

I am ridiculously Blessed.

 

But it is a lot of work. :)

And I've completely thrown my life balance out of whack, and am just now trying to make a few lists of what needs to be done to get that balance back in check. You know the saying....the first step is admitting you have a problem. ;)

In my out-of-balance existence I do miss some very important parts of my life.

• I miss reading. BC (before the café) I read multiple books a month.... and I miss taking time to read.
•  
• I miss writing, blogging.
•  
• I missed working in my gardens. (Hopefully they will forgive me come spring!)
•  
• I missed crafting/scrapbooking.
•  
• I miss my yarn

It appears that I've given up the creative side of my brain (aside from the cooking creativity I get to do now), and I think it's time I start giving it some priority. My brain needs to rest. 

So there you have it. I here vow to work harder at working less and doing a few of these things that I love so dearly.

All while living that dream. Cuz that rocks.

Such a long time~

Oh my goodness it's been a long time~ so sorry!

On May 1st, we opened the gathering place, our cafe and coffee shop, and it's doing very well. We have been SO busy! Crazy fun, lots of work, but I absolutely love being there. I love the customers. I love the cooking. I just love it. It truly is a dream come true.

The first two weeks were chaos. I was at the store 16 hours a day. I was constantly trying to catch up. But we've gotten better, I'm more prepared, and we're starting to even out. I open the cafe almost every morning at 5:30, but many days like today - I can come home around 7 for a few hours, to relax, do housework, paperwork, etc.

This morning we are burying my dad.... He died months ago, and the funeral was 2 months ago, but we were unable to bury him due to rain. So today is the day. Final closure. Weird. At 44 I have no parents. But in all honesty, with dad's dimentia, I lost both when mom died 8 years ago. He was never the same. But today it's final. And it's hard to think of.

So when I got home from the cafe this morning, I took a walk through my (albeit weedy) gardens, enjoying the flowers I've received from friends, those I got from my mom, and those we've planted in their honor. With a good cup of coffee, the birds chirping...it was a beautiful way to start the day (over!).

I've not deserted you all. I will get back to blogging. I am sad that I've not blogged these last six weeks, as it's been a crazy ride. A ride I've only just begun. Thanks for hanging with me. :)

the beginning of a new journey...

Less than one month ago, we began a new journey, putting an offer in on the local cafe. That offer was accepted, and thus began the process that lead up to today.

The last three weeks have been full of meetings, setting up accounts, trying recipes, buying furniture, working with contractors, writing menus, and trying to remember to breathe. I have never done anything like this, and have gone through so many levels of emotion. Excited, scared, anxious, and hopeful, all at the same time.

Owning a cafe/coffee shop has been a dream of mine for most of my adult life... My husband and I have talked about many times. But the time wasn't right. Until now.

So today we get the keys! In less than 2 hours I will have the keys to my next journey.

I am an emotional mixed puddle of emotions. So much to do, but so much to look forward to.

And I have to give credit to the crazy amount of support we are receiving in this adventure. I cannot believe the outreaching of best wishes and support, from family, friends, and neighbors. Everywhere we go, we are met by people who are shaking our hands, and telling us they are looking forward to the new cafe.

We have a list of people coming to help as we freshen the place up, re-doing stools, painting, renovating. We have a dozen people due a the cafe at 3 today, all willing to give their time and support.

So as I sit here, taking in this last quiet moment before we load the truck and car with our supplies to head down, I am thinking of so many things - of my mom and dad, guiding me from above, cheering me on - of the amazing community we live in that has gathered around us to help us on this journey - of the current owner and staff, so incredibly helpful - of all of the unbelievable friends that have helped us with furniture, labor, and support - and lastly, of my amazing family, as without them, I would be nothing.

So here we go! Time for a new, amazing, crazy adventure - in this journey I call my life. On May 1st, I will open the doors of the gathering place, a true dream come true. Hope you all are ready for a crazy ride!

I hope you can come join us for a cup of coffee and meal sometime!

It's time

A year ago, I was published in a magazine answering a question about fear.

In the April 2013 issue of Oprah magazine, the question posed was "What would you do if you had no fear?". And my answer:

"I would open a coffee shop in our little

town. I work part-time and on the side

I do a lot of baking and cooking for

friends. I'd create a place that's eclectic,

warm, and inviting, where I could add a

little sunshine to someone's day"

About a month after this was published, I received a message via facebook from a complete stranger:

 

"Please don't be alarmed... I'm just an Oprah 

magazine reader. I could almost feel a calm 

over me as I imagined being in your coffee shop 

that u would open if you had no fears. 

I have a strong feeling that u will be successful! Good luck!"

Needless to say, I was surprised at the message. And that message never left my heart. I wondered if God had moved her to write that to let me know not to give up. That the time hadn't come yet, but it would. 

The cafe in our town has been up for sale a few times in the 20 years I've lived here. And each time, my husband and I have the discussion, but it's never an honest discussion, it's just a "what if". For whatever reason, it never felt right. 

A few years ago, I left the business world. After almost 20 years in management, I put my family and life first, and quit. Not knowing what my future plans were, we threw caution to the wind, trusting that God would put us in the right direction. I have been substitute teaching part-time, and spending a lot of time working at our church and cooking and baking for friends. And it's been an amazing 3 years, but I've felt out of sorts these last six months. Not knowing why, I found myself short-tempered, and unsettled. 

Two weeks ago, I received a text from my husband that there was an opportunity with the local cafe again. And when I asked him if I should call, he gave me the green light. 

Fast forward to yesterday. After multiple meetings with the owner, and our financial advisor, we have an accepted offer signed for the cafe, the down payment is waiting in our bank account, a logo is in progress, and I'm working on menus. It's a crazy thing. 

For some reason, my husband and I felt different this time. The time is right. I'm ready. Ready to have something to dig into. Something to be passionate about. And we cannot be more excited. 

Sure, it's scary. Scary as heck. But we both feel this is right. 

So it is all power forward, as I work with suppliers, menus, creative artists, etc., preparing for a May 1st opening. We will have 3 days to re-decorate, and get things changed over. I won't be able to completely remodel from head to toe. That will come later. For now, it's time to update the menu a little, adding my touch, change the feel and decor of the place, and hope for the best. 

I am hoping that the gathering place will become a destination for friends and family to gather, and to linger over a wonderful meal and coffee. To share stories, laugh, and love life. 

So welcome to the gathering place, to my kitchen, and my heart! 

https://www.facebook.com/thegatheringplacepittsvillewi

taking another step...

Tonight I am taking yet another step in my new journey. Soon, very soon, I will be able to let everyone know. But for now, I simply thank you.

thank you for the kind thoughts
 the support
  the prayers

Without the amazing people I am surrounded with in this life, I would not be who I am today.