A landfall of change

The last month had brought a landfall of changes.. and mostly out of the blue.

After the new year began, I started my search in earnest for my next opportunity. Because corporate world didn't seem like the right fit for me anymore, my options were wide open.

• The local cafe. The local cafe and bakery had both closed in the last year, leaving a gaping hole in our little town. Ken and I talked about the cafe, the ups and downs of going into my own business, the committment, and the risk. My thought was to open a coffee shop and bakery. Not a full cafe (at least not at first). I would get to do my baking (my passion), and still have the people aspect of having folks in to talk to. I had even discussed it with a couple of people. Just as we were about to inquire at looking at the property, it was sold and reopened. God must have been worried I was going down the wrong path, and put a stop to it!


• Teaching. FINALLY at the end of January, my teaching certificate arrived. I will shortly have all documents in to be a full licensed sub teacher. Excited about the opportunity, although I don't know how many days I will get. We will see. Time will tell.


• Corporate life. Mid-January, I received notice from a friend of a corporate job in my area. I applied, and instantly, my husband got excited - more money, big bucks. I never felt right about the job. I just didn't feel that it was where i was supposed to be. I'm enjoying the freedom and flexibility - the ABILITY to take care of my family and self. While I flew through the first two levels of interviews, I was nervous for the third. The job was in a manufacturing process that I had no experience with.

All of these things basically were happening simultaneously. And nothing felt like "my calling". Nothing fit yet. Two days after my second interview for the corporate job, I received a call out of the blue. A call asking me to work part time - part from home - to set up procedures and training for a bakery I am familiar with. The following week I met onsite with the owner and signed on. An opportunity to use all of my 19 years of manufacturing experience, while working part time from home. So when the technical interview didn't feel comfortable with the corporate job, I knew why. I had found an opportunity that fit me, and that felt right.

Then there was call #2. Again, out of the blue, I received a phone call from the new owner of the cafe (someone I do not know), asking if I'd be interested in working part time for her, filling in when she cannot be there, sometimes a couple of times a week, early mornings.

So I have to wonder. Do these two opportunities come together to prepare me for something larger? Is my dream of a coffee shop and bakery in my future? Do I learn from the bakery and the cafe - all that I need to know? I would love to think so. I would love to think that God is putting me on a path to see that dream to fruition. But only time will tell.

2012..a new year

2011 was a crazy year. On October 20th, 2011, I left a job in management that I'd had for almost 19 years. The job had turned into something that didn't fit me anymore, and it was time to move on. I had not been unemployed since 1987 (high school!), and it was a very wierd feeling to simply wake up and stay home.

I am Blessed to have an amazingly supportive husband who is supporting me through this "breathing" stage. Some say mid-life. Some say "retirement". For me, it's just a change of direction. Something I never would have expected of myself.

I was "a lifer" at work. Someone who was completely invested in the company, and who would continue to climb the corporate ladder right up to retirement. It had been my first job after college, and if I'd retired there, would have put in over 40 years.

While it was sad to leave my friends, and scary to leave a place I'd gone to for 19 years, I'm finding that not knowing is not so bad. I'm still working on a plan for the future. I spent the last two months of 2011 enjoying my family, my home, and the holidays. Now it's time to dig back in.

I don't see myself going back to corporate life. It's just not important to me anymore. I cherish my home, my gardens, being domestic, and taking care of my family. Some would say I'm wasting my talents, degree, and experience. I say I've just wised enough to begin to really enjoy who I am.

I have applied for a sub teaching license, hoping to use that to fill in until I find what I want to do. If that fills my void, becomes enough, then fantastic. If not, I'll keep looking. I'd love to stay part time, rather than go full time. We'll see how that goes.

I am so lucky to be able to do this with my life.

emotions...

Today I had a meeting - a kick off to the CMN campaign. I go every year, inspired by the amazing stories of the children and their families. And today was no different. I realized how Blessed I am to have a healthy family, a reminder to take nothing for granted.

Today at the kickoff, there was a woman who looked so much like my mom did. And it's been eating at me all night. I miss her so dearly. I'm still sad at all in my life she's not here to share. The good and the bad. I miss sharing lunch with her, keeping her up to date on work, and the kids. I miss being able to tell her exciting news.

I so hope mom is proud of me. I try very hard to live up to who she was. I am trying to raise my children like she raised me. I'm trying mom.

Had some tough life lessons cross our paths these last two days - and dd told me thanks for being the mom that I am. I answered her this: "I was raised to be caring, loving, tolerant, and non-judging, and I hope I'm raising them the same way".

I truly was raised that way. My mom never judged - not on religion, color, social status, nothing. She accepted me no matter what path I took, supporting me in my screw ups, and applauding my successes. It's THAT that I miss of her. I love you mom!

my apologies...

Cannot believe it's been so long. Today is Feb 7, 2011. I find myself happy to have the holidays over, celebrating the Packers superbowl win, and dealing with stress issues in my personal life and work as well.

I am focusing right now on surrounding myself with positive people, and using my days to do those things that FULFILL my life.

I am working on leaving a lasting impact. ON THE WORLD. Through being a positive influence, through leading by example, through being something to someone. There are so many people in this world who are in need, hurting, confused, lost, or just misguided. How can I make a difference to them?

the final tradition

Today is my daughter's last day of school. Since they were able to drive, they've all gotten up early on this day (5am early) to drive 35 miles to go to Ihop for breakfast before school. Today was no different. So on today, this last day of school, I took a picture, in the same spot I always took the first day of school picture, to always remember this day. And then, as the girls poured their coffees, and headed out to the day, I kept snapping.

I love the friends that she has made over the years. And I love that they made traditions like this to remember forever. I am going to miss those kids, and those traditions, but can't wait to hear about the new friends, and the new traditions, as she heads off to college.

The sun is now up, already 5:30. Coffee in hand, listening to the birds. It's a good day.

a special bond

There are so many emotions running through me as I prepare for my daughter's graduation. We've come so far. She's come so far. Last night I was scanning photos for a slide show, and came across a photo of my mom holding her on her first birthday. The most bittersweet of emotions overcame me. Joy at seeing that amazing photo, but incredible sadness that mom won't be here to see her graduate. They were so close.

When I told my mom that I was pregnant, still a senior in college, planning on raising the baby on my own, she told me to come home. They had an amazing bond, and it's so sad to me that she can't be here to share in this time. I know she's watching from above...just wish she was here.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

It was four years ago today that I had to say goodbye to my mom. It's so hard to believe that it has been that long. I've been thinking lately about all of the things that she taught me, from how to do laundry, to how to plant a seed in the garden, to how to have patience with my own children.

I'm very sad that I only had my mom for 36 years. Not a day goes by when I don't have something I want to ask her, or something I want to share with her. But I also know that in those 36 years, she taught me how to be a good person. How to be a mom. And a wife. And a friend.

I don't know if she knew it or not, but through how she lived her life, she led me to who I am today. Little things, like always, always, always giving all she could - if it was money to a cause, or baked goods to an event, mom always gave. She always put herself last, others first.

Happy Mother's Day mom. I miss you so much. Above all, I just want you to know I'm trying - to make you proud. To be that person you were trying to mold me into. I love you!